


behind the scenes

by wooziya



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Band Fic, Canon Universe, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Soonhoon - Freeform, makes me feel a lil fuzzy just writing it, non-au so all that jazz, soonhoon being cute, they're so domestic i cry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-19 15:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15512649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooziya/pseuds/wooziya
Summary: Jihoon and Soonyoung - teammates, companions, friends, and something more. Snapshots of little moments; the composer and the choreographer, behind the scenes of their career.





	1. intro: in quiet rooms

**Author's Note:**

> \- ranges from drabbles to longer pieces  
> \- each chapter is named after a song that helped inspire each piece! once this is complete, i'll compile it into one whole playlist n_n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soonyoung works too hard way too early, but jihoon can't say much when he never leaves his own studio either. luckily, they have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: in quiet rooms by omn
> 
> ( i want to be consumed / to love in quiet rooms )

There’s a massive grey lump curled up on the floor next to the mirrors when Jihoon walks into the basement, two iced Americanos in his hands. He rolls his eyes, walking towards it. It’s Soonyoung, of course – the oversized grey hoodie is too familiar to him; he’s worn it so many times. Even the blue sweater he’s wearing now is Soonyoung’s.

“The floor is dirty,” he says, stopping an inch from where Soonyoung’s head should be. For a moment, he debates kicking him lightly just to check if he’s still alive, but he doesn’t want to get into trouble for his slightly violent tendencies.

A muffled groan escapes from the lump that is Kwon Soonyoung. “Just drag me around to clean it up. I am never using my legs again.”

Jihoon really wants to kick him now, but they also still need him to teach _Clap_ ’s choreography later, so he doesn’t. Instead, he sits down carefully, trying not spill the coffees, then places them down on the floor. “What time did you get here?” He himself had barely gotten any sleep, choosing to take naps in the comfort of his studio instead. The other members still had a whole hour of glorious rest before they were meant to come to the company and start recording.

“Four,” Soonyoung grumbles. It’s almost five-thirty now.

Jihoon sighs, using his sweater paws to nudge the other man alive. “Were you working on our choreography?” A silent shake of the latter’s hood-covered head answers him. “Hm.”

“You didn’t come home last night,” Soonyoung mutters. Jihoon hears a little pout in his voice, but he brushes it off instead of reacting to it. Sometimes, he has no choice but to do so – Soonyoung acting cute is a weakness he will never admit. To _anyone_.

“I was trying to record some instrumentals,” he replies. “Took me longer than I expected it to, so I just slept here.”

“’S’not good, Jihoonie,” the other chides. “Your limbs will start to ache and they’ll start to hate you and then they’ll decide they never want to dance for you again.”

Jihoon raises a brow. “You’re projecting now, Soonyoung.”

With a dramatic sigh, Soonyoung groans, “You’ll be in the middle of practicing one day when they give out on you. Being folded in on themselves all the time because of that throne of yours you like to compose on. I’ve sat in it so many times to know that it’s as comfortable as Minghao’s chin when he leans it on my shoulder - have you ever experienced that, Jihoon? It’s crazy sharp as hell. _Not very comfortable_. Anyway –“

“I’m fine,” Jihoon cuts him off. He picks up one of the coffees and takes a sip, grateful for the cold taste. More than often, it’s the ice that wakes him up rather than the caffeine. Or at least, that’s what hits first. He has a long day ahead of him, so he supposes he’ll be going through more than just one cup of it. Soonyoung, too, which is why he’d bought it.

He adds, “hey, come on,” and tries to roll Soonyoung over. When he does, he can only see about a few inches of the other man’s forehead because he’s tightened up the hood to cover the rest of him. “Drink the coffee and rest up before the others get here. But sit up because the floor is dirty. You might get sick.”

Rather reluctantly, Soonyoung pulls himself up into a sitting position. Now he’s directly facing Jihoon, and their knees touch as he brings himself closer. The cups of coffees are in between them, safely secure in the nest their legs make.

“Thanks for the coffee,” Soonyoung grumbles.

Jihoon reaches up to pull his hood down, and Soonyoung shakes his messy mop of hair out of from his eyes. “Why not just sleep for a bit longer at home?”

The latter shrugs and picks up his coffee, taking a sip. “Because I woke up to find your bed empty. Realised you were here, working your ass off because you’re annoying like that. I thought I should at least be doing the same.”

Jihoon shakes his head. “You use your body more than me when you work. It needs more rest, stupid.”

“I’m just learning from the best,” Soonyoung replies with a snicker and another sip of his drink. “It’s not my fault your work ethic is rubbing off on me.”

Rolling his eyes, Jihoon nudges one of his knees with his. “Stop practicing for now. Just rest. You’ll need it.”

“Aye aye, captain.” Soonyoung completes his silly Spongebob Squarepants theme tune imitation with a salute, and Jihoon fights another one of his eye rolls as an automatic response. He should really learn how to turn that off, he thinks. _But then again, Soonyoung should really learn to stop being cute_. “When am I recording with you?”

“Last,” Jihoon deadpans. According to his planner, they were scheduled to record their duet together after finishing up a few retakes of some verses in _Clap_ , but seeing how tired Soonyoung is – how tired they _both_ are – he figures he can change a few slots around. Team _Rocket_ can take their place with the first few verses, instead.

Soonyoung nods, putting his cup down. He starts stretching his arms and neck on the spot, and Jihoon watches him wake himself up. He admires Soonyoung’s drive a lot, but he’s not one to admit that aloud. If he’s always first in the studio – if you count not having gone home for the night – then Soonyoung is always second. He thinks about it more than he wants to, how Soonyoung works hard with a burden on his shoulders that matches the weight and size of Jihoon’s.

He does it with minimal thought and less hesitance than usual, but Jihoon pushes one of his hands out of his sweater, placing it on top of Soonyoung’s where it still rests on his coffee cup. Soonyoung smiles at him, and Jihoon fights the burning sensation creeping into cheeks and ears.

“Thank you, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung whispers. He entwines their fingers together, and the sensation of a hand holding his and him holding a hand – _Soonyoung’s hand_ – makes him feel warm all over. The gesture wakes him up, and the barriers slowly come down. Soonyoung makes him feel just little bit more _brave_.

Jihoon simply nods, admiring the feeling rising in his chest and the way his heart flutters. He ducks his head down, suddenly too embarrassed. It’s not like they haven’t done this before, but it’s always mostly Soonyoung who initiates any kind of affection first. The rare times Jihoon musters up courage to do it always feel like the first – unfamiliar and strange, but he never stops wanting more.

He clears his throat, eyes focused on their hands. Soonyoung’s hands are always dry from forgetting to moisturise. Sometimes they’re calloused from using them too much in their choreography. Jihoon wants to reprimand him for not taking more care of himself, but he holds back. That can wait for another day.

Moments like these, in an empty room in quiet hours, are Jihoon’s favourite kind of intimacy.

“Don’t work too late,” Soonyoung tells him. “Come home tonight.”

Jihoon nods. Now he wonders if Soonyoung can hear it – the way his heart wants to pound out of his chest. Wonders if he can feel the room burning up with Jihoon’s mix of emotions. Most of all, he wonders if it’s all the same for him, if it hits him this hard so suddenly, if he can feel what he does to him.

Jihoon is tired and sleep-deprived, but his heart is full, and Soonyoung is holding his hand so carefully tight. There is nothing else like this, he decides. No lyrics are enough to describe this simple bliss, no melody enough to match it.

Right now, they are simply Jihoon and Soonyoung, caught in the moments right before they become the composer and the choreographer for the day; the first stage in a never-ending cycle where they can be each other’s before they give themselves to the world again.


	2. track one: salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soonyoung has his own way of lessening the burden on jihoon’s shoulders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: salvation by gabrielle aplin
> 
> ( just a trick of light / to bring me back around again )

Jihoon is having a bad day.

He's tired and is working too much on too little sleep, cooped up in his seat overlooking the recording booth. But it has to be done. When he'd looked at his schedule last night, he'd realised he really needed to get a lot done today.

He's managed to wrap up recording  _Thanks_ with only a few minor hitches, maybe some obstacles concerning Wonwoo's enunciation and Seokmin's high notes, but nothing major to hold up the schedule. It hadn't been so bad when he started recording this morning. Everyone had been doing well and seemed to be on a roll, but now, finishing up Junhui's recording for  _Run to You_ , the sixth member he's seen for the song, he's starting to feel himself quickly burning out of fuel.

Nine hours straight in the studio on only three hours sleep. It's taking a toll on him, and he knows it. He's had worse days, definitely. But he feels heavy and easily irritable, like he's about to explode if he doesn't take a break. He can't, however. He won't let himself - he has to finish two more songs today so they're on track ready for revising and touching up tomorrow. The album compilation is due to be done on the weekend for next week, and all of it is just deadlines written in blaring red text to him. 

Junhui pats him on the shoulder once he's out of the recording booth. "You can do it," he tells him before leaving.

Jihoon purses his lips, raking a hand through his hair.  _I have no choice_ , he wants to say, but doesn’t. It isn't any of their faults. It isn't his, either. It's just the way it is - the way his job works. The burden on his shoulders is a heavy one, but he knows the success of their hard work will always come to outweigh it all.

He just wants to lie down for a while and rest his head on a comfortable pillow. Preferably Soonyoung's shoulder, if he wants to be specific, but he'll never ask for it because it’ll only stroke the other’s ego.

Jihoon’s looking over the lyrics, crossing off the parts Junhui's recorded, when the man occupying his thoughts strides in, quietly closing the door behind him.

"Ready, set, go, boss!" Soonyoung sets down the cup of coffee he was drinking, pulling off his hat and brushing his hair with his fingers before putting it back on again.

Jihoon frowns. "I'm not enjoying your excitement. Get your ass in there before I punch something." 

He had meant it lightly, trying to joke around, but it must not have worked because Soonyoung is now looking at him with concern, the previous light in his eyes gone.

"Take a break," Soonyoung demands. “Cranky Jihoon is scary as hell.”

"Can't," Jihoon replies, shaking his head. Then he sighs. "I just want to get it done, Soonyoung."

For a moment, Soonyoung is quiet, feet rooted on the spot next to Jihoon's chair. He's reluctant to go into the booth, Jihoon thinks, but if he's honest with himself, he doesn't want Soonyoung to go in just yet, either.

It's something that's always struck him as strange ever since they become something other than  _teammates_ and  _friends._ He can't even, for the life of him, remember when they became  _something else_. Something more. It just feels like something that has been a part of them for a long time, like a string tying them together, even if Jihoon had been reluctant to hold onto it at first.

But now Soonyoung's here, Jihoon doesn't feel so stressed. Soonyoung has a natural energy that bounces off of him effortlessly, something that just easily makes Jihoon feel much calmer.

It makes his cheeks warm to think about, but he's grateful. He's less like a bomb running out of time and more like a dormant volcano.

"Okay," Soonyoung says after some time. Jihoon watches determination dance around in his eyes. He's familiar with it, but it's something he associates with Soonyoung's naturally mischievous nature.

Jihoon forces himself to swivel around in his chair, facing the booth. He's blushing after having looked at Soonyoung's face too long - it's impossible to stay annoyed at the world when he’s around.

"I'll make you proud," Soonyoung tells him cheerfully, cupping Jihoon's nape with his hand gently, the warmth and weight of it a comfort prickling Jihoon's skin.

He's blushing even harder now, so he ducks his head, staring down at the lyrics sheet, trying hard to hang onto the feel of the other's touch even after he's gone into the booth. 

"Ready?" Jihoon asks once Soonyoung's set up.

"Hold on," the other replies. "Let me just - Jihoon, look at me."

Jihoon's head shoots up, hand brushing through his hair again. "What -"

Soonyoung's taken his hat off to reveal a mess of static dark hair sticking up all over the place, his parting right in the middle. He looks crazed, almost. Especially with the scrunched up face he's pulling, pinched in a comical way that makes Jihoon want to simultaneously frown and laugh at his ridiculousness.

He laughs, of course, because Soonyoung makes it so easily to. His heart lifts at the sight. It's Soonyoung being silly, the same one that makes their fans laugh just as much - the most natural Soonyoung there is. 

Shaking his head, Jihoon laughs into his microphone. "You're so ugly, Soonyoung."

The latter grins, the hair on his head bouncing with his excitement. "You are in love with this, can you believe it?"

His words make Jihoon blush again, redder this time because the words had slipped so naturally. 

"Yeah," he mutters, a grin spilling onto his face. "I really can't believe it."

"Hey," Soonyoung starts, putting his hat back on. "Wanna make a bet?"

Jihoon rolls his eyes. "You're not good at those, remember?"

"I think you'll find I won the last one!" Soonyoung cackles.

Jihoon frowns; it's true. The last time, SEVENTEEN had to get up early for a show recording and Soonyoung had randomly bet on Hansol being the last one to get up. Jihoon had trusted Mingyu on this because the boy was absolutely not a morning person and bet on him, but he had chosen that one day to get up early for once. Soonyoung had won because Hansol had slept through four of his alarms, and Jihoon had had to treat Soonyoung to dinner that night.

”Can we just. Please record," Jihoon huffs, pushing away the memory. He doesn't like losing - dislikes it even more when he loses to  _Soonyoung_. "Or I'll give your lines away to Chan."

"Don't you dare!" Soonyoung exclaims, narrowing his eyes at Jihoon.

Now it was Jihoon's turn to cackle. "Just watch me. Chan would take the offer in a heartbeat.”

"You haven't even heard what I wanted to bet on, yet!"

"You're an idiot, it'll be something idiotic." Jihoon scoffs, but he smiles to himself. Soonyoung is  _his_ idiot.

Soonyoung grins. "That's true, but it's for a good cause."

Jihoon sighs in exasperation. Deciding to humour him, he asks, "what's the good cause?"

"Cheering you up!"

Soonyoung's smile is so bright, Jihoon almost has to throw his hands up to shield his eyes from being blinded. It takes him by surprise, which makes him feel instantly silly - he shouldn't be surprised by Soonyoung anymore. He's used to all this, all the noise he brings into Jihoon's life. But Soonyoung still manages to take his breath away, and he is left speechless every time.

After a few moments he gives himself to find composure, his heart beating in stutters just looking at the other boy, he clears his throat.

"What are we betting on now, then?"

Soonyoung can't stop grinning, and Jihoon can tell that it's because the former knows he's got him where he wants him. "If you manage to not yell at me while I'm recording, I'll cook you a three-course meal."

Jihoon lifts a skeptical eyebrow. "A three-course meal? Soonyoung, we can't  _cook_. There is a reason why we were on the cleaning team in Yeoso-do, remember?"

"Details, details." Soonyoung waves it off. "Effort is the whole point. Are you in or not? Will I, the mighty Kwon Soonyoung, win for the second time in a row? Or will the master Jihoon take back his victory?"

Jihoon squints at him through the glass. "You are puny compared to me. I'll take it, but you're a fool. You underestimate my self-control."

"But how about your self-control with me?" Soonyoung asks, grinning again because Jihoon is blushing,  _again_.

"I hate you," the latter mutters to himself. Soonyoung is good. Too good. He knows him  _so. very. well_. "I hate you with all my heart."

"If you lose, however, you have to shower me with affection for one whole day. In front of everyone. And you can't shy away from it, either."

Jihoon wants to stab his boyfriend in the chest. "I really hate you," he says, louder this time so Soonyoung gets the message.

Unfortunately, Soonyoung does, but it only makes him more excitable. "I'm looking forward to both, either way."

"Do I die of embarrassment, or die of food-poisoning? I can't tell which one is a better way to go."

"Both will have nothing but my love, so you are pretty much a winner no matter what. You're so lucky, Jihoonie. I am a wonderful boyfriend!"

Jihoon shakes his head, definitely embarrassed now by Soonyoung's self-awareness. Not that the latter is wrong - Jihoon is bound to love every second of it, even if his face will say he hates it. Affection may not be one of his strongest points, but when it comes to Soonyoung, he is inevitably a weaker man.

"Damn you," he mumbles. "Can we record now so I can win and gloat in your face for the next year?"

Soonyoung brightens, straightening the microphone in front of him up. "Ready whenever you are, boss."

Nodding, Jihoon looks down at his lyrics sheet. "From your chorus, yeah?" When he looks back up, he's taken aback - Soonyoung is looking at him with the softest smile, the kindest he's ever seen. He asks, "what?" confusedly.

"I wish you'd take a break. Soon, maybe," Soonyoung replies. "You work too hard."

"I feel better now," Jihoon says reassuringly, glad it’s true. He feels much better than before Soonyoung came in. That awful weight on his chest has been lifted and the fog in his brain from the endless recording has dissolved away. He's more at ease now; less irritable, more confident. Definitely positive, and it is all thanks to Soonyoung.

"I admire you," Soonyoung whispers, gently but loud enough for Jihoon to catch through the booth's speakers.

Jihoon swallows a tiny lump in his throat. The joy is about to overwhelm him conpletely. "You think too much of me. You work just as hard."

Shaking his head, Soonyoung smiles again. "Stop selling yourself short, shortie." The nickname causes Jihoon frown slightly, which makes Soonyoung laugh a bit. "Sorry, I just had to."

Jihoon rolls his eyes at him. "Let's just get it over with for your stupid bet."

Soonyoung composes himself once more. Jihoon pauses for a moment, hand hovering above his mouse. His heart won't stop fluttering. 

"Soonyoung?"

He's burning now, more with confidence this time. The red creeps into his cheeks and he can feel the very rush of blood through his veins everywhere. The skin where Soonyoung's hand rested earlier prickles again, the memory of it sending sparks dancing along his spine.

Soonyoung looks up, eyes wide as if to say,  _yes?_

Jihoon stares at him. Soonyoung is all tired lines and dark circles, just like him, just like the rest of the team. But yet he's still so bright. For a moment, Jihoon thinks he doesn't deserve him.

But then he stops himself. They deserve this. They deserve each other. Years and years of companionship and friendship and  _something else_ has taught him this. It’s just something he still finds unbelievable. 

Before he loses the confidence he's built up, Jihoon smiles gratefully at the light of his life, and says, "I adore you. Thank you. You know, for this."

Soonyoung is bashful in an instant, hiding his smile as he ducks his head. He's liking it far too much, Jihoon notes.

But Jihoon can't stop smiling himself. He turns away, staring at the hand poised over the mouse, thoughts of Soonyoung running through his head even when he clicks to press play.


	3. track two: latch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not often they get moments to themselves like this, even when they're far from home. So they make the most of it, hiding away in dark streets with the night calling out their name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: latch (acoustic) by sam smith
> 
> ( how do you do it, you got me losing every breath / what did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest )

 

 

"You know," Seungcheol begins to mutter, looking at him quizzically. "I don't get it sometimes, Jihoon. We're in Los  _fucking_ Angeles, an entire country and continent away from home, and you want to stay here. In the hotel. In your room."

Jihoon rolls his eyes at his oldest friend. "You don't really have to get it, Seungcheol. You just have to  _let_ it."

Disbelief creases Seungcheol's forehead. After a beat of silence, the expression dissolves and he narrows his eyes at the younger boy. "I'm not bringing you home any churros or any souvenirs, if that's what you want."

Jihoon just flops back onto his bed, burying himself into the cocoon of blankets and pillows he's spent all evening hoarding and building. He feigns a yawn, closing his eyes. "You'll do it anyway because you're a real trooper, though."

Seungcheol snorts, proceeding to rattle on about how he wishes Jihoon would embrace his inner tourist and just  _enjoy yourself, you know?_. But he doesn't really mind, doesn't really care. He's enjoying himself in his own little way, and that's what matters.

Honestly, he's just tired. The group's spent all day doing shoots for their album photobooks, plastered in makeup and hairspray and warm clothes in too-hot-degree weather. As soon as they wrapped up, Jisoo had suggested going shopping and then hang around the beach and some went with him while the other half left to sightsee with each other. Apart from him, Seungcheol had stayed behind to take a nap because he hadn't slept on the long plane journey. But then Seungcheol received a call from Jisoo, the other demanding his presence at the beach to help him "kick foreign ass at volleyball", which had spurred the competitive spirit in Seungcheol.

And besides, he's waiting for something - someone. Soonyoung had gone with Performance Team to a dance studio after they were invited to take part in a class for the day. Though they don't have any plans for when he comes back, Jihoon just yearns to see his boyfriend again after a day of non-stop album shoots. He hopes he'll come back soon, however. Boredom is a bug he catches too easily and not even scrolling through pages and pages of memes about the group made by their fans is strong enough to combat it.

When Seungcheol finally leaves after putting his shoes on, taking his quiet nagging with him, Jihoon returns to the safety of his many blankets and pillows. He goes back to watching a compilation video titled  _SVT Hoshi | Kwon Soonyoung's Best Moments_ that he'd loaded up earlier. 

He snickers to himself while watching a clip of Soonyoung's chicken adventures back on Yeoseodo on  _One Fine Day_ , feeling a sense of triumph and notoriety over the whole video because Soonyoung's best moments are the ones the fans haven't seen yet. Or will ever see, for that matter. Not when they involve Soonyoung's smile, the one he saves for private moments with Jihoon. His smiles are always kind and bright for everyone but for Jihoon, they are absolutely careless and adoring. Or the inside jokes they have with each other, the stories of their trainee days that no one else but the two of them seem to remember, the ones that Soonyoung tells differently every time and Jihoon has to correct him to get it right. 

Or the moments that are most secret, the ones that are hidden in plain sight or in total darkness. Soonyoung's rough fingers gently trailing scorching heat along his skin, his neck and hands and thighs and.

Jihoon sighs. Soonyoung's only been gone a few hours and already he's acting like a lovesick teenager. It's starting to make his own skin crawl. He's glad no one else is around to see - he'd never hear the end of it. It really isn't fair that Soonyoung has such a big effect on him.

Suddenly, the video is cut off with a picture of Soonyoung flashing on screen, his name dancing as the phone rings. Jihoon scrambles to hold his phone upright and answer it, cursing himself for his eagerness.

"Hello?" he asks, hoping he doesn't sound  _too_ lovesick.

" _So_ ," Soonyoung starts, and Jihoon's heart is leaping up, up, up his throat because  _finally_. "A little birdie has called to say that _somebody_ is still in his."

"Yeah," Jihoon replies, officially deciding that Seungcheol is a useless friend. "Everyone's gone off to do something."

Soonyoung laughs, the silky sound of it echoing in Jihoon's ears. "You didn't go with any of them?"

"No, I was -"

"Waiting, right? For me?" Soonyoung teases, all too cheerfully.

"Nope," Jihoon lies, sitting up from his cocoon.

"Ey, you were, weren't you?"

" _Soonyoung_." Jihoon sighs exasperatedly. "I have an image to uphold and you are making me lose my cool here."

Soonyoung lets out a laugh again, sounding breathless. He must have just finished at the studio, Jihoon thinks. "Aw, Jihoonie, you're as cool as  _Seungcheol hyung_. Which is, you know, not very."

Jihoon mutters, "Shut up," earning him another bright laugh.

"Anyway, I'm five minutes out from the hotel. Can I take a shower in your room and get ready there? We can go out by ourselves."

The thought of Soonyoung taking a shower in his room makes him blush furiously. It's nothing he's never seen before, but in the long periods of longing Soonyoung subjects him to (aka Jihoon's most vulnerable state, but don't tell anyone else that or he'll you) his feelings are quick to spiral out of control. 

Jihoon, scrambling to uncover himself from his blankets, hums into the phone. "Where are we going?"

As he looks around the room for his small suitcase, the sound of cars and chatter begin to fill in the noise behind Soonyoung's voice. "Anywhere! I'll be there soon, so let me in?"

 

As both of them are awfully unacquainted and unfamiliar with the streets of LA, Jihoon isn't surprised to find that Soonyoung doesn't take him far. They're still somewhere in the vicinity of their towering hotel, close enough to see it, but they've walked around the secluded streets and alleys nearby. A safe distance, perfect for being alone and living in the quiet moments.

"How did the studio thing go?" He asks Soonyoung, looking up at the other from where he's nestled into his side, an arm thrown around his shoulders.

Soonyoung grins, directing them around another corner. The lamps illuminate his skin, making him glow. "It was good! They're super talented, so it's still a bit of a dream. I've been watching them for so long. They upload videos on YouTube so it looks like I'm going to be in one of them!"

Jihoon nods, unable to tear his eyes from the joy on the other's face. "Should I expect you to talk everybody's ears off about it when we go back home?"

" _Absolutely!_ "

Shaking his head, Jihoon grumbles, "typical Soonyoung."

Soonyoung stops walking, leaning down to rest his forehead on Jihoon's. "Grumpy Jihoonie."

Jihoon blushes like crazy in an instant, heat dancing all over his skin as Soonyoung nuzzles their noses together. "I'm not grumpy," he mutters, struggling to hold Soonyoung's affectionate gaze. If he looks at him any longer, he'll explode.

Soonyoung's laugh is quiet like a whisper. The darkness of night covers them both in the orange hue of the lamps lighting the hideaway streets. Shadows latch onto Soonyoung's hair, covering them both in black, but still Jihoon can see his own reflection in the other's eyes. He can't look away now, not when his heart is hammering in his chest, not when Soonyoung's hands have made their way up to his face, cupping his cheeks. 

"I wish I was more outgoing like the others," Jihoon calmly confesses, heart stripping itself bear under the weight of Soonyoung's gaze. "We've been to so many places and I have barely seen anything."

"That's a Jihoon thing," Soonyoung tells him, brushing one of Jihoon's cheeks with a gentle thumb. "And it won't be the last time we're ever here, or anywhere. You can do that when you're not working, right?"

Frowning, Jihoon shrugs. "But they still mange to do it when we have schedules."

"You do things in your own way, in your own time. Nothing wrong with that, Jihoonie." Soonyoung leans closer to plant a kiss on Jihoon's nose. When he pulls away, he's still holding the latter's face in his hands. Jihoon counts down the seconds, wondering exactly when it is he'll combust into flames.

"And besides," his boyfriend continues. "I much prefer being out here with you. We don't get moments like this often, do we?"

He's right. Jihoon's stomach settles, the drumming of his heartbeat returning back to its Soonyoung-infected state instead of the flutter of anxiety from his previous thoughts. "No, we don't," he agrees. "I guess these trips are worth something in the end."

Soonyoung grins, the warmth and intensity of it enveloping Jihoon in a bubble. "Anything is worth everything if you're there in the end."

Jihoon crinkles his nose. "You're so gross, Soonyoung."

Soonyoung leans his head back to laugh aloud, making Jihoon join in, too. He loves the way Soonyoung's face scrunches up when he laughs. When the latter catches his breath, he moves in closer, until their foreheads and noses touch and their lips are a breath away from meeting.

"Love you, Jihoonie," Soonyoung says in a lazy, dreamy drawl.

Jihoon wants to look away, wants to fight the awful heat rushing to his cheeks in order to save himself from melting, but he doesn't. Perhaps it's the way Soonyoung tilts his head up to kiss him. Perhaps it's the way Soonyoung's eyes flutter closed first, and Jihoon takes a moment to admire the length of his lashes, short but dark and adorable, before letting his own settle closed.

Or perhaps it's the way the night gives itself into them completely, allowing them this moment. They belong to it, and it to them, and nothing else matters.

When Soonyoung pulls away to catch his breath, Jihoon feels the desperate need to grab the front of his hoodie and kiss him all over again. He doesn't, however, because Soonyoung has grabbed his hand, leading the way down another street. He doesn't mind the interruption - there's so much time left before they can return to the hotel. So much time in the darkness, in each other's hands.

As they walk, they talk about everything and anything and nothing and Jihoon is so, so at peace. They've walked through a maze of dark, empty streets and thoughts of the hotel and returning to the commotion of their group are far away in his mind now. 

"I wish we could do this every night," Soonyoung says, squeezing Jihoon's hand tight as they take yet another corner.

Jihoon is the one who stops them from walking any further this time. He's grinning, the rush of it uncontrollable and unstoppable and he surprises the both of them when he tugs at Soonyoung's hand, dragging him so that their bodies and cheeks are flush against each other.

He can feel Soonyoung's warm cheeks against his own and, if he could hold his breath and tuned out the sound of Soonyoung's anticipating, heavy breathing long enough, possibly even the latter's heartbeat against his own chest, despite Soonyoung's thick hoodie separating them. 

Soonyoung starts laughing then, the mirth in his eyes and voice and touch electrifying Jihoon all over. Gone are his troubles, his inhibitions and his barriers and everything that isn't  _Soonyoung_.

Breathless, Jihoon leans in close. "Not just every night," he whispers against Soonyoung's lips. "All the time. I want this with you all the time. I want to kiss you all the time."

It's the most confident he's ever been, and he's proud of himself. He knows it's not often he'll be like this, but if it means showing Soonyoung how much he loves him - his image is worth the sacrifice, his reputation in front of everyone else a petty problem compared to his own feelings. 

"Okay," Soonyoung says, a goofy smile spilling onto his face. "We can do that." His hands reach up to cup Jihoon's face again, and then they are kissing and losing themselves and forgetting the rest of the world. 

Life dissolves around them. Jihoon holds Soonyoung tighter to him, fingers burying themselves into his hair. They'll go back to the hotel soon. They'll record their music video tomorrow. They'll fly back the day after the next. They'll return to Korea and start appearing on music shows. They'll slip back into routine and expectations, but -

They'll have tonight, tomorrow, and the next day. They'll have next month, next year, and however long Soonyoung will let Jihoon love him. They will have all of this, of night and day and the seasons that change. For this. For all of this.

And Jihoon cannot wait.

 

 

 


	4. track three: never be the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First, there is Soonyoung and there is Jihoon.  
> But time passes and lines are blurred, and the distance between them slowly inches closer and closer until they are simply soonyoungandjihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: never be the same by camila cabello
> 
> ( you're in my blood / you're in my veins / you're in my head )
> 
>  
> 
> * i made a twitter! hmu on @JLHOOZI for fic updates and general screaming over soonhoon and svt uwu

 They're backstage at one of their fansign venues for _Adore U_ when Seungkwan points it out.

"Isn't that Jihoon hyung's shirt?" He asks, cocking his head at the button-up Soonyoung's wearing. It hangs on him a little - Jihoon has a thing for oversized clothing that Soonyoung understands only  _half_ the time - and it's long enough that his fingers are hidden inside the baby blue cotton sleeves.

Soonyoung looks down at himself and shrugs. He had difficulty finding anything to wear for the ride to their first schedule this morning, with Mingyu having forgotten to do the laundry the other day. Jihoon had offered one of his coolly, pulling the shirt from its hanger on his clothes rail and telling him it'd look good on him with his white jeans.

"Yeah," he simply replies. "We're kind of the same size, anyway."

They wear each other's clothes all the time - they all did. When you have thirteen members and only one washing machine, time to do laundry is generally too scarce to be picky. Especially now, with them needing to dedicate their newfound energy to promoting their debut song.

Seungkwan narrows his eyes at the shirt. Soonyoung watches with a confused expression on his face. They're waiting in line for the coordi noonas to dress them in their promotion outfits, the last two to get ready.

"That's funny," Seungkwan says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"What is?" Soonyoung asks, peering his head around the door to the changing room, wondering what he'll be wearing this time. There were clothes and shoes strung everywhere on the floor in all shades of pastel and white. However, they still have a long time to go before their names are called - Seungcheol, Mingyu and Minghao are right before them, according to the list, and everybody knows they take the longest.

Seungkwan hums in response, a short, giddy giggle. "Nothing," he sing-songs. "Just that Jihoon hyung doesn't let anyone borrow anything, let alone his clothes."

"Yes, he does," Soonyoung argues. Jihoon often lets him borrow all sorts of things - his hairdryer, his socks, his headphones, his shoulder when Soonyoung gets sleepy in the car. One time, he even let Soonyoung borrow his bed after Seungcheol had passed out drunk on it after their leader had gone for casual drinks with Jeonghan and Jisoo. 

Jihoon's bed had smelled of cotton-scented fabric conditioner, he remembers. And, if he thinks back to it now, so does everything else he owns still.

"All one needs to do to get Lee Jihoon to share anything is  _ask_ nicely, Seungkwan. And besides, I don't have any more clean clothes."

Seungkwan stares at him levelly, a brow raised. "Oh really?" He looks around behind Soonyoung. "Okay, watch this then."

Soonyoung rolls his eyes and is left to watch Seungkwan move from his spot in the line to the cart of drinks and snacks on the other side of the room. Jihoon stands there, a paper cup in one hand and a ring donut in the other. He's in the middle of chewing when Seungkwan approaches him, Jihoon's bulging cheeks are rather cute, Soonyoung muses. He's already dressed in his outfit, a white jumper long enough to give him sweater-paws and red shorts. It suits his pink hair incredibly well.

"Jihoon hyung," Seungkwan says loud enough for Soonyoung to hear. The former glances at him pointedly before holding out a hand to Jihoon. "Can I borrow ten thousand won?"

Jihoon scoffs at him, replying through a mouthful of chewed-up donut. "Stop trying to steal my money, Seungkwan. Go ask Moon Junhui."

Soonyoung holds back a laugh. Junhui's the type to give it without asking, too naive to consider just how evil the rest of the members quietly were. The thought makes Soonyoung smile.

Seungkwan feigns a pout, breaking out his aegyo. "But it's for Soonyoung hyung!"

Jihoon finishes up his donut and sets his drink back down on the table. Soonyoung watches him reach into his back pocket for his wallet. "Well, you should've said then."

Seungkwan splutters a mumble of words in exasperation. "You're not even going to ask  _why_?"

"He's a good kid," Jihoon replies. Soonyoung rolls eyes his. He's older than the former by a few months - who is he calling  _kid_? "It's not like he's going to use it stupidly, like, say, in a bet against Seokmin that you can trip me up into a puddle of rainwater, right?"

Seungkwan at least has the decency to look ashamed. The prank-bet had been last week on the way to a music station. Seokmin had bet that Seungkwan couldn't discreetly trip Jihoon up, and the young boy had had the guts to even  _try_. Soonyoung wants to both wince and laugh at the memory. Jihoon had been angry for a few days after, ignoring the younger members when they weren't in public promoting.

"Now scoot," Jihoon says cheerfully, eyes pinned to the tray of donuts as he slaps the money into Seungkwan's hand.

Returning to Soonyoung, Seungkwan sighs in disbelief. "He's the most insufferable hyung ever."

"You  _did_ trip him up..." Soonyoung muttered.

"You know what, never mind. That wasn't the point of that -" Seungkwan waves Jihoon's money in front of Soonyoung's face. "See this?"

Soonyoung stares at the money. "King Sejong, hello?" he says confusedly, referring to the figure represented on the note.

Seungkwan scoffs loudly, a hand coming up to pat Soonyoung's cheek. "No, my dear hyung, no. This is proof of Jihoon hyung's soft spot for you. He wouldn't give me the money until I said it was for you. He just  _gave_ it - can you believe it?" Under his breath, he mutters, "insufferable."

Soonyoung tilts his head back to laugh, waving the younger boy's hand off his face. "You're ridiculous, Seungkwan. He likes me best because I don't bother him like you do."

"Oh, sure,  _that_ ' _s_ why."

"It's just a shirt," he assures. And money, a hairdyer, socks, headphones, a shoulder - but  _still_.

Jihoon's always been hot-and-cold with them, even with him. Soonyoung's known him long enough to know it's nothing new. They were close friends, after all.

Seungkwan is relentless even when he gets called in to change. Before he slips into the room, he hands Soonyoung the money. "Just a shirt?"

Soonyoung frowns. "Just a shirt," he echoes.

 

* * *

 

It's not just a shirt.

A few months after, it's a bus ticket and a trip to Busan, and Seokmin is shaking his head at the sight of it in Soonyoung's hands.

"I asked if I could come along, but hyung said he'd leave me behind at one of the night markets to get stolen," Seokmin laments, sitting down beside Soonyoung on the latter's bed. " _Stolen_!"

Soonyoung rolls his eyes.  _Typical Jihoon_. "Well, you are most likely to get kidnapped or something."

"I know, but," Seokmin groans, "I just want to go on a trip, too."

"We're going to Jeju in a few weeks," Soonyoung reminds him, thinking of the many schedules the group has lined up for the rest of the year. They were slowly making their way onto the charts, quiet contenders for a chance to stand in the spotlight. They didn't mind the slow progress. They were just grateful that they were making progress at all. 

Seokmin continues to moan about his disappointment at having not been invited. "Jihoon hyung favours you too much," he complains.

Soonyoung shakes his head. "I keep telling everyone this, but it's because I don't piss him off. You just need to time yourself. Like, for example, you can't approach Jihoon before he's had any coffee in the morning, and you definitely shouldn't hover over him or around his studio when he's working on something."

Pouting, Seokmin huffs and falls back onto the bed. "Look at you, top student at the University of Lee Jihoon."

Soonyoung thinks he's had enough practice to learn things about their fellow group member. Jihoon is naturally quiet and doesn't say much unless he's comfortable with the people around him, so one has to either lead the conversation with patience, or get Jihoon talking about the things that interest him (Soonyoung likes to talk about the Marvel comics and movies with him) in order to hold his attention. He also doesn't like going outside and does exactly thirty push-ups and sit-ups every night because he likes his rice too much, but these were random facts Soonyoung's compiled in the years they've lived together.

It just takes time, he thinks, to get to _really_ know and understand Jihoon. 

He nudges Seokmin on the thigh. "Look, you can come home with me to Namyangju next time I go, okay?" 

Seokmin rolls over, leaning his head on his arm. "Promise you won't ask Jihoon hyung first?"

Rolling his eyes at his friend, Soonyoung grins. "Promise, you idiot."

 

Busan is lively night and day, an atmosphere Soonyoung doesn't feel in his own little hometown. Jihoon takes him to his family's house first and they both happily drown under the affection Jihoon's parents shower them with. They prepare a feast for the two of them for lunch before they settle on going to the beach Jihoon loved as a child to walk along the ocean and, much later, to the night markets that remind Soonyoung of Seokmin's earlier words.

When he laughs to himself at the memory, Jihoon stops walking along the stalls. He asks, "What's funny?"

"Seokmin told me you wouldn't let him come to Busan with you because you'd leave him here," Soonyoung replies with a grin.

Jihoon opens his mouth before quickly closing it. "Oh, yeah, I did. I was letting him down with honesty."

Soonyoung snickers. "You're terrible, Jihoon." The latter shrugs, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face as he starts walking ahead again.

They stop at a stall selling handmade wooden trinkets. Jihoon's eyes roam the table for a few minutes before pointing to a pile of wooden carved horses. "If I buy that for Seokmin, do you think he'll like it?"

Soonyoung considers it. He can see Seokmin's face lighting up at the sight of a wrapped gift given to him by Jihoon, only to fall in confusion as he unwraps it to find a tiny wooden horse. He wants to burst out laughing, but Jihoon's waiting for his answer.

"Maybe not the horse," he suggests. "Anyway, if you buy something for one of them, you have to buy something for all of them."

Jihoon hums in acknowledgement. "True." He scans the table again. "I'll get them all wooden horses then."

Soonyoung shakes his head, chuckling under his breath. It's times like these that he finds Jihoon unbearably endearing. The boy is entirely serious about buying their members gifts, yet the gifts themselves were ridiculous. It strikes him as comical and entirely adorable.

"What do _you_ want?" Jihoon asks, picking out the best horses for his members. 

"You don't have to get me anything. You already paid for my bus ticket."

"Don't be silly, Soonyoung. You said if I get one of them something, I'll have to get something for the others, so that includes you. Pick something."

Soonyoung doesn't really know what to say to this, or what to pick. There are piles of animals, flowers, music boxes and keychains carved from wood on the table. "It's fine, just get me a horse," he tells Jihoon.

Jihoon's eyes slide over to him momentarily, his hand poised above another horse before he retracts it. He moves it over to a keychain with  _BUSAN_ printed on it, instead. "I'll get you this," he mutters with finality, looking away.

Soonyoung opens his mouth to protest, but Jihoon's already fishing out notes from his wallet before he can say anything. So he stays quiet, hanging back as the other boy looks down at the plastic bag of gifts with pride. 

His face softens at the sight. "Thanks, Jihoon."

 

Later, Soonyoung is wrapped up in a tumble of Jihoon's childhood bedsheets while the latter is curled up in a makeshift bed on the floor. Jihoon's mother had insisted Soonyoung take the bed as he's the guest, which Jihoon had affectionately rolled his eyes at but didn't complain. The bed isn't much smaller than Jihoon, and Soonyoung briefly wonders if it would be possible to fit the both of them in it.

He folds his arms behind him, looking up at Jihoon's poster-covered ceiling. "Why did you suddenly decide to come home?"

"I needed a break," Jihoon starts hesitantly, the loud  _click_ of his phone locking bouncing off the thin walls. "I didn't want to hit a wall composing."

"Were you about to?"

"Almost. I get too caught up in it sometimes, but I'm aware of that point before I get there - that's when I know when to take a step back."

Soonyoung nods, taking it in. He has his own limits, too. Yet he doesn't burn out easily - the limits fuel him, push him to complete a dance piece before crashing. Only when he's finished does he let himself drop to his knees and  _stop_. But he doesn't know what it's like for Jihoon. He's been in the studio with him a few times and he's never seen a hint of the composer's energy sparking out.

Jihoon's job is the most tiring, most affecting, he thinks. He carries the weight of their career on his shoulders, in his hands, in his music. Headlines call him a musical genius - a  _god_ \- but to Soonyoung, he's still just the boy with a heart full of music who welcomed him to the company with a short handshake, a large brick watch on his wrist. 

Him almost hitting his limit must have been a serious thing to have to come home to refuel.

Soonyoung's heart suddenly surges with pride. Pride that SEVENTEEN has him as one of their members, one of their leaders. That they are friends, that they all have him, that Jihoon's belief in them stands equal to their belief in Jihoon. That, above all, he is his friend, and that he's here, in Jihoon's hometown with him.

"Why did you invite me to come with you?" He asks, quietly.

Jihoon is quiet for a while. Soonyoung wonders if he's drifted off to sleep, but the rustling of his sleeping bag tells him otherwise. He turns his head to find the other boy sitting up, staring at him. 

"You annoy me the least out of everyone," he jokes in a deadpan voice.

Soonyoung lets out a chuckle. "That's what I thought."

"Seungkwan asked me if that was the case, actually," Jihoon continues.

"Case for what?"

"Me supposedly favouring you."

"You don't  _favour_ me, Jihoon. You're not unfair to the others like that." Soonyoung shakes his head.

Jihoon mutters, "tell that to Boo Seungkwan."

"I'm just a really good friend, right?" Soonyoung cheerfully chirps. "I brighten your life up, and all that jazz. Who wouldn't want me around?"

"That's going a bit too far," Jihoon groans, flopping back down into his makeshift bed. A pause. "Truthfully, I asked you because you're my best friend."

Soonyoung's heart jumps -  _that's_ something he's never heard before. "I am?"

"Yeah, you idiot," Jihoon mumbles. "You make me laugh a lot, and I need that."

Unable to stop himself from grinning, Soonyoung twists in bed so that he's facing the other boy. "Say that again?"

"No," Jihoon firmly says, staring hard at Soonyoung.

"I'm your best friend and I make you laugh a lot and you need me, you say?"

" _Soonyoung_." Jihoon sighs in incredulity. But before long, he is laughing and so is Soonyoung and, although they are hours away from the rest of their family, they are right at home in Jihoon's room, surrounded by his anime figures and Marvel posters. 

They head back to Seoul tomorrow night, but for now, Soonyoung will let himself marvel Jihoon's presence a little longer.

 

* * *

 

SEVENTEEN and their staff celebrate their first music show win with  _Pretty U _in the company building, holding a small party to commemorate the milestone, but some time in between cutting the cake and breaking out the karaoke machine, Jihoon disappears.

Soonyoung stands outside his studio now, half wanting to knock, half wanting to leave him alone. They'd both cried a lot earlier, the overwhelming sensation of hearing their names being called and the cheers that came with it and the sight of the trophy too much for them, for all of them. The thirteen of them had taken turns holding their very first trophy in each of their hands after they'd left the broadcast station, but at everyone's insistence, Seungcheol had been the one to carry it home.

They'd all suffered and worked hard for this, but Seungcheol is their oldest brother and their leader. Soonyoung had said he deserved the entire world for putting up with the twelve of them.

Jihoon had apparently slipped away from the party to head back into the basement, seeking the comfort of his studio. Soonyoung had followed, only because he couldn't stop himself. He'd been mid-conversation with Hansol when he spotted the other boy quietly leave. He'd followed in a heartbeat.

Now, he isn't sure if it's the right thing to do - Jihoon needs his space, he knows it. He's not one for displaying all of his emotions to the public - not live, not when the cameras zoom in like crazy into every little detail, not when he's just cried his heart out for everyone to see. It must've taken a lot out of him, Soonyoung thinks. Jihoon doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like most of them.

"Jihoon?" He calls, knocking on the door gently. 

He should leave him alone, to let him enjoy their win the way he wants to, but he can't. He wants to make sure Jihoon's alright. He wants to make sure he's not alone.

"Jihoon, let me in."

Minutes of silence later, Jihoon's studio door opens, and the sight is quite surprising.

The eyebags under his eyes are evident, blue and black and purple, but there is a grin on his face that almost knocks Soonyoung off his feet. "We won," is all Jihoon says, quiet and breathless.

Soonyoung laughs quietly, shoulders relaxing. He hadn't realised how tense he'd been coming down here. "Yeah," he breathes. "We won."

Jihoon opens the door wide enough for Soonyoung to come in. The first thing he notices is that the computer is on and open to  _Pretty U'_ s demo track.

"You've been in here listening to that all this time?" Soonyoung asks.

Jihoon stands by the door as Soonyoung helps himself to the chair, swiveling around to face the screen. "Yeah. I just wanted to hear it again."

Soonyoung cracks a smile, holding his hand over the mouse. "You don't hear it enough already?"

"This is what our win is born from," Jihoon tells him, a trickle of pride in his voice. "This little demo."

Shaking his head, Soonyoung turns to face him. "Our win is born from our efforts, Jihoon."

"Maybe," Jihoon tells him. "But we won with this song. I've just been wondering how we got here."

Before he can stop himself, Soonyoung sings a rough, "started from the bottom now we here." Jihoon's eye roll is fond as he steps forward to kick Soonyoung's leg. Soonyoung catches his wrist before he turns back, gently pulling at it. "It's thanks to you that we won. You're amazing, Jihoon."

"It's not just me," Jihoon is quick to dismiss him. "It's all of us -"

Soonyoung's thumb taps a rhythm along the other's wrist. "Stop being humble and stubborn and just take the praise for once, okay?"

"You choreographed it," Jihoon mutters. "You're amazing, too."

At this, Soonyoung breaks out into a wide grin. "I know that already. I was just telling you because I needed _you_ to know you're also pretty amazing."

Jihoon laughs breathlessly. All is quiet for a moment, then Soonyoung realises he's still got a hand around Jihoon's wrist. He blushes at it, feeling silly for no reason, and lets go quickly. 

But Jihoon just inches closer, close enough that his legs rest on the arm of his chair. He places a hand on Soonyoung's neck and the warmth of it is electrifying. Soonyoung's body warms, his neck prickling with fire.

"Always so humble," Jihoon mutters, and Soonyoung's heart picks up at the slight tremble in his voice.

"Jihoon," he starts.

He doesn't know what to say. There's something charged in the air that's been there for a while now. They've spent months growing closer as friends, spending more time in Jihoon's studio, where the latter's actually  _allowed_ him to stick around even when he's not in the mood to deal with people, and in the practice rooms even after everyone's grown tired and gone home. They've eaten dinner together without the others too many times to count, and they've sat on top of Jihoon's or Soonyoung's bed beside each other just to watch an episode of  _Fullmetal Alchemist,_ or whatever anime is on Jihoon's endless list, together.

And, much later when moments allowed them, hands and fingers have entwined, arms have been slung across shoulders as they walked, thighs have bumped close together. Eyes have been met, a shine in them no one else but the two of them can see.

There is  _something_ between them that they haven't yet addressed. They both know it exists, but haven't talked about yet. Something different - something Soonyoung feels has been inevitable for a long time.

"Jihoon," he repeats, tugging on the hem of the other's hoodie. 

Just the other day, Jihoon had snuck into Soonyoung's room in the middle of the night to share his bed. They'd said nothing, done nothing, and when morning had come around, Soonyoung had woken up alone. Jihoon had escaped to his studio, and no one had said anything when they met in the practice room hours later.

There's a question he wants to ask, a feeling he wants to follow, but he can't. He needs to know what Jihoon thinks first.

Jihoon's throat bobs, and Soonyoung watches it, feeling his heart stop and stutter at the action.

"You are my greatest friend, Soonyoung."

Disappointment washes over him like a bucket of ice water. It's impossible to keep his face straight. It falls right away, and the sting of the words have him looking anywhere but at the other boy. The word  _friend_ never works out well in the dramas. He's sure he's about to find out it doesn't work out well in real life, either.

"I know that," he whispers, suddenly frustrated and angry. Has it been in his head all this time? Has it only been a feeling in Soonyoung's heart and not in Jihoon's?

"Hey, look at me," Jihoon demands fiercely.

Soonyoung turns his attention back to the latter, mouth eased down in a frown he can't erase. He's growing angrier with himself by the second. "Are we  _just_ friends, Jihoon?"

"You didn't let me finish. You  _are_ my greatest friend." Jihoon sighs, clasped hand on Soonyoung's neck squeezing gently. "But we're something else, aren't we?"

Hope sparks in his chest and his anger melts away. "Yeah," he replies, feeling extremely silly all of a sudden for letting the disappointment get to him so quick. "I think we've been like that for a while."

"I think I like you," Jihoon blurts, pale cheeks reddening. "As more than a friend. And I don't really know how to deal with that, because I've never liked anyone before."

A grin spills onto Soonyoung's face. He can't stop himself - the giddiness buzzing in his veins are eager to pry his chest wide open, to give his heart space to start soaring. Jihoon looks away briefly, and Soonyoung reaches out to rest a hand around Jihoon's arm again. "Really?"

It's the weirdest, most wonderful thing he's ever experienced with Jihoon. A confession, of all things.

From Jihoon, who refuses to lose his cool on cameras and in front of their fans. Who teases his members with cold affection, who secretly enjoys sarcasm more than anyone else they know.

Jihoon, who is now practically ripping his heart out of his own chest and holding it out to Soonyoung.

"I think I like you, but I don't know what exactly that means," he whispers, holding Soonyoung's gaze again. "All I know is that we spend all our time together, but I still can't stop thinking about you."

Soonyoung's heart lodges itself in his throat. He feels teary all of a sudden, as if he's hearing the music show hosts announce their names for first place again. Only this time, it seems he's winning something entirely different. Something private and intimate; there's no one else around to share this win, or this moment.

Slowly, stands up from the chair, allowing Jihoon's hand to fall from his neck. There's not much of a difference in height between them, so Soonyoung easily gazes into Jihoon's eyes without hurting his neck. He slides his hand down to meet Jihoon's, clasping it before entwining their fingers as they've done a dozen times before. This time, however, it's not just a fleeting feeling unspoken between them.

"Interesting," he exhales, closing the distance between them. Jihoon's own breaths are uneven on his lips. "I think I like you too, Jihoon."

Jihoon's mouth twitches into a smile. "Yeah?"

Soonyoung moves closer and closer, until the space between them is nonexistent, and both of his hands are holding onto Jihoon's tightly. He lets out a laugh - Jihoon's eyes are crossed a bit as he stares at Soonyoung's lips. It is the cutest, most endearing thing he's ever seen.

A smile, a breath, a heartbeat later, Soonyoung leans in. "Yeah," he whispers along Jihoon's lips. "I really like you."

 


	5. track four: i get to love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon is violently soft and Soonyoung just can't help himself.
> 
> (or, soonyoung vs. jihoon's tsundere agenda)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: i get to love you by ruelle  
> ( the way you love / it changes who i am / i am undone )
> 
> \---
> 
> so far, it's been really fun writing this fic! i always look forward to sitting down and writing some soonhoon tooth-rotting fluff and i just wanted to thank you guys so much for all the kudos and comments! <3

The thirteen of them move to line up for the encore ending, Seungcheol cradling their trophy in his arms as he gives a speech, Mingyu next to him cheering into the mic and waving enthusiastically at the cameras. Soonyoung makes his way across the stage slowly, looking towards the crowd here and there to smile at the fans and the cameras, before finding his position beside Jihoon. 

Confetti flutters around them like cherry blossom petals, decorating the stage in a haven of gold and pastel pink and blue. _Oh My!_ Plays in the background and only half of them are bothering to sing the rest of the encore song seriously while the others are immersed in teasing each other in front of their fans.

Jihoon is waving to the camera, dimpled smile surfacing whenever he mouths constants thanks to the crowd. Soonyoung is cheerful on his left, doing the same. Their elbows touch and strands of confetti begin to decorate Jihoon’s hair, and he has to fight every urge to reach out and pluck them out. He settles for ruffling his own hair clear of them, hand knowingly brushing Jihoon’s for the slightest of seconds when he drops it from his head.

When the mic ends up between them, Soonyoung puts himself in charge of making sure Jihoon gets his thanks across in front of the camera on him, lowering it for the later to give his speech. He thanks the CARATs, their staff and, most of all, his members in his usual professional way. Once he’s done, Soonyoung takes his turn and does almost the same, except he singles out a special thank you to Jihoon for producing his most favourite title track so far.

He’ll get shit for it later, he knows, but the thought of Jihoon rolling his eyes at him as he chides Soonyoung for being too much makes his grin widen in no time.

SEVENTEEN leave the stage and shuffle back into the room they used as a waiting room. Members huddle around Seungcheol and the trophy while Soonyoung hangs back, tugging on Jihoon’s sleeve before he can join them.

“Do I get a hug for my grand speech?” He asks, smiling with both cheeks.

Jihoon huffs, turning to face him completely. His cheeks pink slightly, and he crosses his arms over his chest. “No, but you do get one of my urges to punch you in the arm for an unnecessary compliment.”

Soonyoung chuckles lightly, scrunching his nose at the shorter boy. “You’re so sweet, Jihoonie.”

“Shut up, Soonyoung," Jihoon grumbles, flushing a darker shade of pink.

And it must be his good mood or the upbeat spirit the entire group is in after their win that gives him confidence, because he’s reaching down for Jihoon’s hand, clinging onto his little finger with his own.

“Just making sure you know I’m grateful for you, as per usual,” he replies in a sing-song voice.

Jihoon looks down to their entwined fingers with small surprise. Soonyoung is sure he’ll pull away at the sudden display of affection, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gives it a quick squeeze.

Soonyoung’s heart flies in its cage; Jihoon’s affection may be minute and appears only in the most discreet of ways, but the effect it has on him is profound.

“Come on,” Jihoon says softly. “Let’s go and celebrate.” Then he turns around, tugging Soonyoung behind him as they crossed the room to join the huddle.

Jihoon doesn’t let go, even when they are broken apart by their managers telling them to get ready to leave for their next schedule. Soonyoung’s fond smile breaks out into full force on his face, his eyes never leaving the back the latter’s head.

Only when they’re out of the building do they break apart, but Jihoon never wanders away from his side and all Soonyoung can think is,  _I am the luckiest man on earth._

 

* * *

 

Soonyoung gets the seating arrangement for the fansign table right before the venue doors open. They're all in the waiting room refuelling on energy drinks and mini sandwiches kindly prepared by the staff, taking the time to relax before they are thrown into another intense event.

He likes fansigns. He likes talking to fans, listening to their comments, laughing at their choice of questions whenever they ask about another member. He likes seeing them smile, most of all, because their faces tell all about how much they appreciate the group and their music.

He also likes fansigns because they make brilliant excuses. Fans sometimes shout out suggestions for some of them to do big hearts together or exchange hugs. He gets the biggest kick out of it when they put him together with Jihoon.

Jihoon hates it, only because he knows Soonyoung gets cocky and tends to go "overboard", he says.

Soonyoung absolutely  _loves_ it, however, and thinks that every moment he gets with Jihoon in front of the public without them knowing of their relationship is a win.

He's certainly enjoying it now, teasing Jihoon about the two of them being seated together for the event with an elbow to the other's side.

" _Soonyoung_ ," Jihoon groans in exasperation. "You've been talking about this non-stop for ten minutes now. We're sitting together, big whoop."

Soonyoung almost jumps on the spot. "Yes, Jihoon, it is a  _big whoop_!" He grins, earning him one of Jihoon's trademark eye rolls. "It's not every day we get put together like this."

Jihoon purses his lips. "Soonyoung, we're always together."

Soonyoung flaps his hands around in excitement. "Okay, I mean outside of all this. This is three hours of pure, uninterrupted couple time."

"I want to die," Jihoon deadpans. "When you put it like that, I really want to just." He makes a gesture with his hands in front of him that Soonyoung takes as blowing up.

It only makes him laugh, only makes him giddier. "I am going to have so much fun today."

A slow cackle builds out of him. Jihoon looks at him in shock horror, eyes wide and mouth wide in a grimace, but he ignores it.

 

Soonyoung makes him do so many heart guns with him before they even begin.

"Fanservice," he tells Jihoon with a wink, fully aware that he really means  _Soonyoung-service_.

Jihoon is reluctant to do every single one of them, but he remains relentless. He makes Jihoon complete the hearts he makes with his hands, having to tug on the other's sleeve whenever he refuses.

"Kill me," Jihoon whispers to Mingyu when the latter gets up from the table to fetch a bottle of water behind him. Mingyu just looks at him weirdly, mouthing  _what_ _?_ and Jihoon looks as if he wants to cry as his plea goes unanswered.

Soonyoung can't stop grinning. He's pushing Jihoon's limit but how can he resist when he's been presented such a wonderful opportunity?

"Jihoonie," he says, nudging him again. He has his hand up and his eyes are on the crowd, taking in their cheers and the constant clicks and flashes of their cameras. "Complete the heart or I will bring my foot down on your phone. _Hard_."

"Did you just -" Jihoon splutters. "That sounds eerily like a threat, Soonyoung."

Soonyoung slides his gaze towards him, grin widening. "Why, yes. Yes, it does."

Jihoon's groan is loud enough it could echo throughout the entire hall. "Why. Are you making me do this. Just why."

Soonyoung is too busy enjoying himself to answer. He pulls Jihoon's hands up to complete his heart, and just chuckles to himself when the other snatches his hand back to himself. "So cute, Jihoonie."

"I'm going to kill you," Jihoon mumbles.

Soonyoung hears the fans chant  _more!_ and, the prince that he is, he obliges. Slowly, he curves one of his arms upwards around his head, leaning in towards Jihoon.

Jihoon hisses when he realises what's happening. "Okay, I really am going to kill you."

Soonyoung hums jovially, even as the latter makes his reluctance known to the fans and to the members who were watching, who were just laughing at the two of them now. Furiously shaking his head, Jihoon mouths  _save me_ to the crowd, but they're no help either because they keep screaming and calling him  _cute_.

And so they should, Soonyoung thinks, because Jihoon is the cutest when he's being teased like this.

It takes a few minutes for Jihoon to give in, and Soonyoung holds back yelling a victory cry. 

"You are so lucky I like you," Jihoon grumbles under his breath for only Soonyoung to hear. His arm slowly comes up around to complete the heart, ducking his head in embarrassment. 

Soonyoung is living the dream. He chuckles, cocking his head towards Jihoon so that they almost touch. "You're the best, Jihoonie," he says, causing Jihoon to blush all shades of red.

 

* * *

 

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:43] jihoonie

[19:43] im hungry ;n;

[19:46] pls reply

[19:47] dying of hunger

 

**Jihoon**

[19:49] what do you want me to do about it

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:49] yay you replied ^^

[19:50] pls cook for me

 

**Jihoon**

[19:50] soonyoung im in the studio

[19:50] you know, working

[19:50] becauuse im a producer, not a chef

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:51] but mingyu isnt around to make ramyeon ;;

 

**Jihoon**

[19:51] why cant you make it yourself stupid

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:51] I just want you to cook for me u_u

 

**Jihoon**

[19:52] soonyoung I can’t cook, we all know this

[19:53] ask moon junhui

[19:53] he can do anything

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:53] so can you u_u

[19:54] jihoonie

[19:54] when are you coming home ;A;

 

**Jihoon**

[19:55] in a bit

[19:55] im just cleaning up a piece

[19:55] and just ask junhui you drama queen

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:55] jihoooooonie

[19:55] come

[19:55] home

 

**Jihoon**

[19:57] soon…young

[19:57] im so funny

 

**Soonyoung**

[19:57] I love you but i have to

[19:57] pass on that

 

**Jihoon**

[20:00] just when I was thinking of picking up food for you

[20:00] looks like you're starving tonight

 

**Soonyoung**

[20:00] JIHOON PLS

[20:00] I TAKE IT BACK

[20:00] you are the funniest most amazing man I’ve ever laid eyes on

[20:03] pls feed me

[20:05] I guarantee you will miss me when im no longer around

[20:05] after I die from hunger

[20:07] AND LACK OF YOUR ATTENTION

[20:07] H E L L O

[20:09] jihoonie pls ;;;;

 

**Jihoon**

[20:14] christ soon I was just finishing up at the studio

[20:14] im coming home now

 

**Soonyoung**

[20:15] too late

[20:15] r.i.p. kwon soonyoung

 

**Jihoon**

[20:16] i am rolling my eyes at the screen

[20:16] at you

[20:20] ok im at the restaurant

 

**Soonyoung**

[20:20] u______________u

 

**Jihoon**

[20:20] idiot

[20:20] black bean noodles?

 

**Soonyoung**

[20:20] yes pls

[20:20] don’t forget my side order

 

**Jihoon**

[20:20] look who’s alive again

[20:20] wait what side

[20:21] i just asked and they said they don't come with any

 

**Soonyoung**

[20:22] my usual side

[20:22] of you ;-))))

 

**Jihoon**

[20:23] …

[20:23] im eating both portions by myself

 

**Soonyoung**

[20:23] noooooo ;A; 

[20:23] it was just a joke!!!

[20:24] jihoonie pls I love you

 

**Jihoon**

[20:25] hmpf

[20:25] on my way back

[20:27] and sigh

[20:27] I love you too

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;AAA; 180804 a blessed day #SoonyoungWins
> 
> also i really want to write a svt chat fic and tried doing a lil one for soonhoon, as above, and it was quite fun so maaaaaybe when i finish this one, i'll write one!


	6. track five: bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nights are Jihoon's greatest secret, because while everyone is sleeping, he lies awake next to Soonyoung, losing himself to tracing every line and dip and curve of his boyfriend's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: bloom by the paper kites
> 
> ( in the morning when i wake / and the sun is coming through / you fill my head with sweetness / and you fill my head with you )
> 
> \---
> 
> this is one of my favourite songs and no i totally didn't cry while listening to it and writing this *slides the bucket of spilled tears under the table with her foot* I DID NOT.

Sometimes, when Soonyoung struggles to wind down and find peace after a long day of practice and grueling hard work, Jihoon will take his hand and drag him into his and Mingyu’s room to share a bed together. On these nights, Mingyu wordlessly gives them their peace and sneaks away into the other dorm to sleep in Soonyoung’s bed.  

Only when Jihoon slings an arm around Soonyoung’s waist, brushing their foreheads together to kiss each other goodnight, does the latter’s curl up into his side and fall asleep. Jihoon lies awake, admiring Soonyoung at his most peaceful, with his mouth open in a small _o_ and his eyelashes fanning against his cheeks while he dreams deeply.

Jihoon himself doesn’t find comfort at night until he waits and feels the stiff tension in Soonyoung’s shoulder melt away, and only then does he let himself _breathe_.

He likes it best like this, awake while the other sleeps, wanting to take some time before he closes his eyes to admire the man he loves. It feels like a secret, one that he wants to keep to himself. Soonyoung is even more beautiful at night, when he is still and quiet. Jihoon can see slight imperfections here and there – old scars from acne, a minuscule cut on his top lip from when he cut it during a performance rehearsal once, spots dotted around his cheeks.

He lifts a gentle finger, trailing it along Soonyoung’s chin and up, up, up to his brows and the tip of his forehead. Then, carefully so as to not wake the other, he brushes his entire hand through his hair, feeling the strands with the pads of his fingers. Their hair tolerates distress on a daily basis from constant dying and styling, but Soonyoung’s hair feels so soft, it's almost impossible to tell it's suffered more than most.

Jihoon signs contentedly. His other hand comes up to cup Soonyoung’s cheek and he leans in to plant a small kiss on his nose.

Even when he closes his eyes to sleep, he sees only Soonyoung. He follows him into his dreams, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

 

 

 

Other nights, when he stays up late to work on more music, Jihoon forgoes his own dorm room and sneaks into Soonyoung’s.

It’s hours after midnight and he’s too tired to shower, so he creeps around the room, careful to not to wake Hansol, peeling his jeans and socks off until he’s comfortable in only his shirt and boxers. Quietly, he slips under Soonyoung’s thin blanket, crawling his way up until he’s lying down facing him.

Soonyoung peeks an eye open. “Finally,” he mumbles groggily, holding up an arm for Jihoon to settle himself into.

Once he’s comfortable in his usual spot, Jihoon inches his head closer along their shared pillow. Soonyoung’s eyes attempt to open but struggle, the sleep weighing them down too much. Jihoon holds back a snicker and places an arm around Soonyoung’s middle. “’Night, Soonyoung,” he whispers.

The other just mumbles incoherently, completely lost to his dreams, and Jihoon stays awake just a little longer to watch him sleep.

Tonight, Soonyoung is without the lines of exhaustion on his face and the sharp edge of stress on his shoulders. Things must have gone well at practice with his team, Jihoon thinks, caressing the latter’s face with his hand. He smiles to himself when a soft snore escapes from Soonyoung, fingers tenderly running along his lashes.

He ruffles the stray strands of hair falling into Soonyoung’s face away, giving himself another excuse to run them through his hair. Soonyoung doesn’t stir, even when Jihoon leans in to plant a firm kiss on his forehead.

He snuggles in closer, allowing himself this moment.

Another night, another secret. Soonyoung is all his to keep.

 

 

 

On the rare nights Jihoon and Soonyoung go back to _before_ (before-Soonyoung, according to Jihoon) and spend the night alone in their own beds, Jihoon lies awake, his thoughts crammed with thoughts about the other.

He finds himself thinking about how different he is when he’s with Soonyoun and how he’s changed, perhaps, for the better. He’s definitely a bit more open with going outside and spending time out of his comfort zone. And a lot more vocal with his feelings than before, back when he preferred silence and his own company over most other’s. He’s even gotten a bit more confident with showing affection to not only Soonyoung, but the other members, too.

Jihoon doesn’t know when exactly it changed for him – the pinpoint of it all is irrevocably lost somewhere along the way in their relationship – but he’s proud of it. Proud of himself.

Leaning on crossed arms under his head, Jihoon smiles. He’s an extra inch braver, and it’s all thanks to Soonyoung.

He wonders what the other is thinking now, if Soonyoung is also lying awake staring up at the ceiling, if he's thinking about them, too. If he dreams of him when he's asleep, if he thinks about him all the time, like Jihoon does.

His heart’s never been empty, he realises. He’s always had the love of his parents and his members, so he’s never been short on love before.

But then came along Soonyoung  _after_. First a colleague and a friend, now first love and, always, something more. Soonyoung, with his bouncing energy and dazzling personality, his passion for their music and dance, his dedication to his work and their group.

Jihoon shakes his head, another quiet smile forming along his lips. His heart has only expanded with the addition of Soonyoung’s love. It’s big and never stops growing, caught between something that embraces him in warmth and consumes him in desire. It’s undeniable and, sometimes, unbearable; Soonyoung gives him so much more than he thinks he deserves.

But Jihoon doesn’t need to be completed – no, he’s never had less than love - so he's whole and always has been. But he thinks if a part of him is to ever go missing or he loses it, he’ll find it with Soonyoung, carefully held in the latter's hands like the most delicate flower.

Now he’s drifting into sleep, the beginnings of a haze slipping into his head. He’s smiling even when his eyes close and his ears tune out the sound of Mingyu’s snoring. He gives into the dreamy daze, heart bursting at the seams and thoughts of Soonyoung pounding through his veins. 

 

And in the morning, he doesn’t even question when he wakes to Soonyoung curled up against his side, grumbling in his sleep. he just stares at him in wonder, amused just thinking about how he must have snuck out of his dorm and into Jihoon’s sometime after the latter fell asleep.

He gives himself a few moments, basking in the way the sunlight creeping in through the curtains light up the entire room in a soft orange hue. It reflects on Soonyoung’s glowing cheeks, perfect even with the drool pooling around his open mouth. Jihoon watches, admires, laughs.

When he closes soonyoung’s mouth shut with his finger, he leans in with a smile. Their noses touch and Jihoon hums in amazement; Soonyoung is so beautiful when he's sleeping, and he’ll never stop thinking it.

Soonyoung wakes when Jihoon kisses him. Softly at first, letting the morning envelope them in its warmth. and then, when Soonyoung mumbles a “morning, Jihoonie”, with his entire heart, consuming them both with the fire blazing in his chest. 

They have to get up soon and get ready for the day ahead. Another loaded schedule awaits them, but Jihoon pushes all thoughts of it out of his mind. They could wait. He's holding Soonyoung in his arms and their limbs are tangling themselves together - there is no room for anything else but _this_.

Because this is it. This is where they belong. The nights may be his to treasure, but the mornings were theirs and theirs alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the kudos and your comments! T_T i reached 100 and it's been so great talking to some of you and making new friends dhfudsfhs soonhoon for life  
> i didn't think this fic would do so well! and now i am Emotional because of all of you T____T  
> (twitter: JLHOOZI)
> 
> p.s. hello pam i hope this one made you smile too n_n ♥


	7. track six: lovesong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soonyoung rushes home just to take care of a sick Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: lovesong by adele
> 
> ( whatever words I say / I will always love you )
> 
> \---
> 
> a lil inspired by a conversation i had with pam ;u; i started out following that but then...i just messed up  
> huigfhgd soft soonhoon for life my friends

**Seungcheol hyung~**

[21:33] jihoon emergency come home quick

 

Soonyoung gets the text while he's in the middle of discussing choreography plans with his Team in the practice room. His eyes widen, suddenly turning out of the conversation just as soon as Minghao starts suggesting using dance balls for _Moonwalker_ 's choreography. 

Standing up hurriedly, he flashes his members a quick smile and a look that he hopes will tell them it's important. Then he dials Seungcheol, feet already anxiously tapping on the floor.

Seungcheol picks up on the second ring. "He won't eat," he says.

Soonyoung blanches. "Alright, I'm on my way." He hangs up, turning back to his team's huddle. "Sorry, guys. I have to make sure Jihoonie's okay, can I leave first?"

Chan nods, expression of worry replacing his previously excited face. "Is he okay? He didn't look good when I saw him at the studio this morning."

Minghao lets out a thoughtful hum. "Just go, hyung." 

Beside him, Junhui waves his hand towards the door. "Don't worry about us! Go before he starts wreaking havoc on the others."

Soonyoung throws them a grateful look before grabbing his hoodie from one of the chairs, slipping it on. The dorm is close enough that it takes roughly twenty minutes to walk to, but Soonyoung returns in less than ten, having used all his remaining energy in running as fast as he could.

When he runs up to the floor where their dorms were, Seungcheol's already there, waiting for him. He throws his hands up in exasperation. "He's so stubborn," he says.

Soonyoung's eyebrows crease in confusion. "Is he okay?"

"Yes," Seungcheol huffs. "He's fine, but he's sick and in denial of it and won't eat anything we give him. He said to message you but I knew you were busy, so I didn't until now."

Soonyoung nods, understanding. "It's alright, hyung. Where's everyone else?"

"In the other dorm." The eldest member gestures to the other dorm's door. "Jihoon said he didn't want to see any of them, just you."

Soonyoung fights a smile and claps Seungcheol on the shoulder before tapping in the password to Jihoon's dorm. "Okay, I'll take care of him. You know what he's like when he's sick."

Seungcheol rolls his eyes. "Unbearable is what he is when he's sick. He punched me really hard in the stomach and then told me he was proud to have me as our leader."

Laughing, Soonyoung shakes his head. Seungcheol nods at him before turning towards the other door. When he's inside, Soonyoung takes a deep breath in and pushes open the door.

Jihoon is a monster when he's sick. He works himself to the point of passing out and sometimes, much to Soonyoung's despair, forgets to eat his meals. When he's like this, he's easily irritable and will not hesitate to throw his shoes at the first person who even so much as  _talks_ to him. But that's not even the thing - 

When Jihoon is sick, he gets clingy and affectionate. But in an angry way. It's much like Jihoon when he's drunk after a few shots of soju, but sober. And full of bad germs.

As he treads through the messy dorm, carefully avoiding the puzzle laid out on the living room floor (Wonwoo, probably). He can't help but think back to the last time when Jihoon was sick and everybody else suffered at the hands of it.

Jihoon had spent the day in bed, banned from touching his laptop and phone, muttering things like  _I fucking hate you all but I also really love you_ whenever the members had come in to check on him. Back then, they weren't exactly anything just yet, but Soonyoung had offered him food and Jihoon just spat  _you look good in those jeans so I need you to get out right now_. At one point, Jeonghan had started filming Jihoon with his phone - something about  _remembering how cute Jihoonie is when he's like this! -_ and Jihoon had seethed,  _I am both blessed and cursed to have gotten stuck with you all_.

Soonyoung can't figure out why or how Jihoon ends up like this, but he can't say he hates it. In fact, it might be one of his favourite sides of Jihoon, on par with when Jihoon gets flustered at Soonyoung's public display of affections. He likes it best when Jihoon reluctantly shows his feelings, it amuses him to no end.

Jihoon is sat up in his bed, arms crossed over his chest like an angry child, eyebrows furrowed together. Soonyoung knocks on the open door, and the former's eyes slide over to him slowly.

"You took your time," Jihoon mutters.

Soonyoung can see his lips pucker and twitch in a pout. His knees go so weak, he almost falls to the floor. "Oh my god, Jihoonie. Are you  _pouting_?"

Jihoon turns his head away from him, chin jutting out. "Shut up. Will you come here already?"

Soonyoung grins, pulling his hoodie over his head. He jumps onto Jihoon's bed, curling up beside him with a leg thrown over Jihoon's. "Aw, my little baby is so irritable today." When Jihoon stiffly moves to lay his head down on Soonyoung's shoulder, the latter slides an arm over him to pull him closer, one hand threading through Jihoon's hair. "I was really worried when Seungcheol hyung suddenly said there was an emergency."

"There wasn't one," Jihoon grumbles. "They overreact like a bunch of mothers."

Soonyoung chuckles. "Because you're our baby, Jihoonie."

Jihoon growls in warning. "I'm no one's baby."

Squeezing his boyfriend tighter, Soonyoung leans down to nuzzle Jihoon's nose. "No, you're  _my_ baby."

Jihoon pauses, turning his head to momentarily glare at him. He frowns deeply, but says. "Fine. Shut up now."

Soonyoung can't help it - his boyfriend is too cute. He plants kisses all over Jihoon's face, despite the latter's complaints. After a few minutes, Jihoon's face is positively red and Soonyoung is his own grin is bright enough to fuel the entire of South Korea's electricity plants. 

He places a hand on Jihoon's forehead. "You're still really warm. You take any medicine?"

Jihoon sighs. "They made me. I hate them a lot."

Soonyoung shakes his head. "You love them." He snuggles Jihoon even closer after the latter's, "I do. Unfortunately." 

They lie like this for a while, limbs tangled and Jihoon's temperature warming them both up. Checking to make sure Jihoon hasn't fallen asleep, Soonyoung leans down to kiss his cheek before leaning up to get out of bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jihoon grumbles.

Soonyoung looks back to flash him a smile. "To make you food." 

Jihoon angrily huffs. "They've been trying to feed me since earlier. I don't want food."

"Jihoonie," Soonyoung pleads. "You have to eat. Have you eaten a single meal today?"

"I wasn't hungry."

Leaning on the door frame, Soonyoung crosses his arms over his chest. "You have to eat," he firmly repeats.

Jihoon rolls his eyes, grumpily kicking his feet on the bed. "I don't want to." 

Soonyoung wants to jump back into bed with him, trying to hold back his giddiness. Jihoon is too,  _too_ cute for his own good. "Jihoon, will you just listen to me for once. Please?"

" _Soonyoung_. I don't want food," Jihoon mutters. Then, quietly and without looking at him, "I want cuddles."

Soonyoung's urge to burst into tears rises and threatens his self-control. But he holds back - Jihoon may be a sappy mess right now, but he's still sober and is bound to remember every single moment of today. He doesn't need any more bullets to use against Soonyoung whenever he teases him.

"Okay," he says, voice choking despite his efforts to contain himself. "We'll cuddle, but you have to promise me you'll eat."

Jihoon complains under his breath, but agrees. When he's sure Jihoon's fire has dimmed a little, Soonyoung retreats into the kitchen to fix Jihoon some soup. Luckily for the both of them, Mingyu has a tin of chicken and mushroom soup in the cupboard, which he quickly tips out into a pan and heats up. It bubbles after a few minutes, and when it's done he pours the contents into a bowl and grabs a spoon from the drawer.

A quick sip to taste tells him that he hasn't managed to somehow burn the soup, something that he thinks wouldn't have been a surprise, knowing himself. Sure enough, it tastes fine and he's pretty proud of himself. Not exactly on Mingyu's level, but satisfactory.

Jihoon has a pillow thrown over his head when he walks back into the room. 

"Hoonie, sit up." Soonyoung kneels on the floor beside his bed, holding the bowl on top of his lap. Jihoon groans and pulls himself free of the pillow.

"I was thinking of something mean to say about something but nothing came to mind," he mumbled. "Dear god, what is happening to me."

Soonyoung chuckles, spooning up soup. He tugs Jihoon down so he's close enough not to spill anything on the bed or over the floor. "You're always like this when you're sick. It's really weird but it's the best."

"I have an  _image_ to uphold -"

Soonyoung sticks the spoon into his mouth mid-sentence, nodding encouragingly despite Jihoon's murderous glare. "Yeah, yeah. 'Cool and cold' like a bottle of iced cola."

"Soonyoung -"

Soonyoung spoons another mouthful of soup and feeds Jihoon it again before he can get another word out. He watches, silently enjoying himself. "You're a man of few words, but every single one of them is meaningful." He pauses to smile, waiting for Jihoon to swallow before feeding him another mouthful. "Sometimes I think you're too cool for us, but then I remember you're kinda really obsessed with anime and still get flustered when people compliment your music. There are many sides of you, Jihoonie. You just don't show it all at once and that's fine."

Jihoon looks away, gulping down the soup. "Hate you. Hate everyone, too," he grumbles, but Soonyoung's heart warms.

"I love you," he whispers. He tugs on Jihoon's sleeve again and the latter turns to be fed. 

Jihoon's not cold, he's quiet. The entire team and those close to him know it well. He's the type to express his gratitude and love in private or secret, in little gestures that don't attract attention. He's humble and puts others before himself. Soonyoung knows that even when Jihoon starts throwing figurative furniture at them, the love and pride he has for their team is genuine. He's just not used to showing it any other way.

Once he's finished with his soup, Jihoon lies back down on the bed, ignoring all of Soonyoung's complaints that it's not good to lie down after eating. His back is turned from him, but Soonyoung just sets the bowl down and slides in next to him.

Jihoon pulls one of Soonyoung's arms around him, and Soonyoung settles his chin into Jihoon's neck. "Thank you," Jihoon tells him.

Soonyoung plants a kiss on Jihoon's skin, marveling at the way it sends a shudder through him. "Always."

Silence wraps them up in a hazy bubble, and Soonyoung almost falls asleep. Jihoon is so warm in his arms. After a while, Jihoon sticks his legs between Soonyoung's so that they're completely entwined.

"Thanks for always taking care of me," Jihoon whispers. He traces lazy spirals onto Soonyoung's skin. "You were working but I wanted you to come home for me."

Soonyoung shook his head, nose ruffling the back of Jihoon's head. "I know you'd do the same for me."

Jihoon grunted. "I probably wouldn't."

Laughing, Soonyoung lay a kiss on Jihoon's shoulder. "No, you wouldn't. You'd just tell me to ask Junhui to help."

"Because he really  _can_ do anything," Jihoon mutters. Then, after a pause, "Soonyoung, I love you."

Soonyoung softens, heart melting into a warm puddle. Jihoon stiffens at his own words, but the former just tightens his hold on him, nuzzling his neck, his hair, his cheeks. Jihoon slowly gives in, at first refusing to be slobbered with kisses by turning his head away. Then he elbows Soonyoung's stomach with his elbow. Laughing, he turns himself around so that they're face to face.

"Is it bad of me to say I wish sick Jihoonie would come around more often?" He asks, knocking their foreheads together.

Jihoon narrows his eyes at him. His cheeks are a glorious shade of red. "Yes, you bastard."

Throwing his head back in laughter, Soonyoung clings onto one of Jihoon's hands. "Stay forever, will you, sick Jihoonie?"

Jihoon pulls his hand out of his grip, but Soonyoung catches it again and the former goes still when Soonyoung starts kissing his knuckles one by one. "I asked for cuddles, not to be humiliated like this."

"You do this to yourself," Soonyoung cheerfully tells him. "I also heard you punched Seungcheol hyung earlier."

Jihoon squints. "What else did he tell you?"

"Oh you know, just that you were grateful to have him as a leader. You're so sweet when you're grumpy." Jihoon rolls his eyes. Soonyoung nudges him gently. "You haven't said anything about me yet."

"There's usually a lot, trust me," Jihoon deadpans. Then his face softens and a chunk of Soonyoung's heart melts away into the other's hands. "But I can't think of anything else apart from -" He clamps his mouth shut.

Soonyoung snickers. "Apart from what, Hoonie?" 

He teases Jihoon with kisses all over his face, trailing them down to his chin and his neck. He even makes it down to the tip of his chest, just by his collarbones, when Jihoon flails and finally,  _finally_ , gives up.

"Apart from I love you," Jihoon grounds through a crimson blush and gritted teeth.

Soonyoung gleams, his smile reaching his eyes entirely. "Say it again. No - wait, say it all the time."

Jihoon ducks his head, burying it into Soonyoung's chest. "Please. Please, shut up."

 

 


	8. track seven: the beautiful dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon doesn't have to look for peace anymore, because he's found it with Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: the beautiful dream by george ezra
> 
> ( no one else is such a beautiful dream )

When it comes to learning their group choreography, Jihoon prides himself in being a quick learner. But not this time.

He sighs, sliding down onto the floor in exhaustion. The music stops and the back up dancers leave through the door in search for fresh air and a drink. Soonyoung sits beside him, leaning back on outstretched arms. He pants, and Jihoon watches sweat drip slowly around his jaw.

"We'll get it," Soonyoung tells him, nudging Jihoon's knee with his. "It's not like we need to get this finished today. There's time."

Jihoon groans. "Not enough - we still have so much to prepare and record."

The first  _Ideal Cut_ concert date is in two weeks, and the date has been looming over all their heads since the day it was planned several months ago. Promotions of  _Thanks_ had gone well, along with their Japanese debut and schedules. The group's looking forward to the latter half of the year, with overseas schedules and appearances all lined up ready for them to storm through. It's been a good year so far, and Jihoon hopes that they're able to keep it up ready to rest for Christmas.

All's left is to prepare his own solo stage and learn the choreography for  _Bring It_ , which Soonyoung has finally put together after working on it with their choreographer for the past month. Jihoon's been busy helping out the others with recordings and guides for their special solo stages, so the only time he has to properly practice with the other is a few hours at night, right after they've rehearsed as a group.

Soonyoung shakes his head, and Jihoon reaches over to dab at the sweat pooling on the former's chin with the sleeve of his hoodie. "Everything alright?" He asks, catching Jihoon's wrist before the latter takes it back. 

"Just a lot of work," Jihoon replies, sighing. Soonyoung tugs at his sleeve until Jihoon allows himself to give in, leaning back when Soonyoung widens his arm out for him. 

Usually, he wouldn't do this. Not so easily, with the potential of others walking in on their moment, but right now he's not so bothered. He's tired and barely sees much of Soonyoung these days, with him tending to Vocal Team's stage preparations and Soonyoung to Performance Team's. They haven't managed to spend any nights together at home either due to all the work. 

He'd normally save this moment for the comfort of their dorms, Soonyoung snuggled into his side and snoring away. But not tonight.

Soonyoung kisses his hair, nuzzling his nose into it despite the sweat matting Jihoon's hair. "Let's just sit here and take a break, okay?"

Jihoon nods, unfolding his legs so he can slide back more comfortably into Soonyoung. Closing his eyes, he leans into the ache in his bones, letting the fatigue take over him while he has a moment to let it go. "How's your stage prep coming along?"

"Kinda good," Soonyoung replies, angling his head to give Jihoon's cheek a brief kiss. The latter lets out a hum of content, his skin tingling at the feathery touch. "Junhui's solo stage looks amazing so far."

"That's Moon Junhui for you," Jihoon mutters, smiling to himself.

"He can do anything," Soonyoung finishes for him. They both laugh, snickering to themselves like children. 

When their laughter subsides, Jihoon sighs slowly. He wants to go home and sleep, but even after another hour of choreography practice, he'll return to his studio to polish up a few of the members' solo tracks ready to record backing vocals in the morning. Although he loves his job and wouldn't give it up for anything, the exhaustion feels like too much sometimes. It stays with him even during their rare three-day breaks, as if catching up to overwhelm him.

"We can call off practice so you can get some rest, if you want," Soonyoung tells him. 

Jihoon shakes his head. "I can make it through," he replies.

Soonyoung nods, and starts humming  _Simple_ quietly. He does this often, much to Jihoon's discreet delight. While they're showering together in the morning before schedules, while they're in the back of the car heading from one broadcast station to another, while they're in the studio, Jihoon in front of his computer and Soonyoung sitting beside him fiddling with his phone. It's the only time Jihoon ever hears his own song nowadays, but he loves the sound of it even more coming from the other.

When Jihoon had asked him a few weeks ago why he suddenly started singing it, Soonyoung had replied, "I listen to it when we're apart, just to hear your voice."

Warmth blooms in his chest. If he weren't so tired, he'd smile; he settles on crawling into Soonyoung's lap, instead. It surprises the latter, but Jihoon remains quiet as he curls up into Soonyoung's chest. Soonyoung's hands wind around him after a beat, nestling his head into Jihoon's neck. Jihoon clings onto him, arms tightening around his back, and for the first time that day, he takes a deep breath in and out to find his heart free of fatigue. It's temporary, he knows, but this is the next best thing to cuddling at home.

Soonyoung tilts Jihoon's head up from where it's buried in the crook of his neck to kiss him. First a peck, then slowly, with more fevour. Heat crawls down his neck to his feet, igniting his skin. Soonyoung only pulls away to let him breathe, but even then he wants more.

"Close your eyes for ten minutes," Soonyoung tells him. "Then we'll get back to it, yeah?"

Jihoon lets his eyes flutter closed, a mellow sigh escaping him. The other's fond smile is the last thing he sees before the darkness.. "Thanks, Soonyoung."

Soonyoung squeezes him tight, nuzzling his face into Jihoon's hoodie. "Love you, Jihoonie," he says.

And that's when Jihoon starts feeling like he can do it. He can learn this dance, he can work until dawn. He can keep going until the sun sets again. He can do anything, with Soonyoung by his side.

 

 

 

Jihoon doesn't like doing anything without an ice-cold coffee first thing in the morning. It's a staple in his energy-worn diet, which is why he's up at four-thirty AM and waiting in line at Tom n Tom's cafe, desperate for a large sized Americano. Thank god for twenty-four hour cafes, honestly.

Soonyoung is sat by the windows, head buried into a makeshift pillow he's folded using his hoodie. Jihoon orders quickly, smiling pitifully at the worker behind the counter for being stuck with possibly the most awful shift to ever exist. While he's waiting for his drink, he glances back to check on Soonyoung. The latter hasn't moved and is probably asleep. Jihoon is too tired to even roll his eyes at this.

Soonyoung had spent the night with Jihoon in the latter's studio, but he'd been the only one to actually get any sleep. Jihoon had nudged him awake to tell him he was going out to buy a drink, and the other boy had insisted on coming along. Then Soonyoung had dragged his feet on the walk over, half-asleep and constantly yawning into his hand, and crashed the moment he sat down.

Jihoon turns back when he hears his order called up, and gratefully thanks the worker before making his way back to Soonyoung. 

"Go back to the dorm if you want to sleep," he says, sitting down. Jihoon quickly glances around, pulling his hat down further. Not that there's anyone else in here at this time on a Wednesday morning - it's just a habit all of them have.

Soonyoung mumbles something incoherently with his face still in his hoodie. Jihoon nudges him gently, trying to pull his face back so he can talk  _and_ breathe. "Wanna stay with you," he grumbles. His eyes are still closed, and Jihoon gingerly wipes at Soonyoung's drooling mouth with a tissue.

The two of them haven't slept at the dorms in two days, dedicating their entire time to preparing for their concert. Four more days to go, with this one last day in the practice room before they were to scheduled to spend the rest rehearsing on the actual stage. Despite being tired all the time, the creeping concert dates actually have him feeling more pumped up to perform.

"Drink this." Jihoon holds the straw near Soonyoung's mouth, coaxing his lips open slowly. Soonyoung drinks it from where he's still lying his head down, eyes closed and throat bobbing with his gulps. When he's done, Jihoon wipes his mouth again for any coffee spills.

Looking out the windows, he watches the sun rise. It tip-toes out from behind windows, painting the sky in an orange morning hue and creating silhouettes out of tall buildings and lampposts. He may not be a morning person, but he appreciates the beauty of a new day.

Soonyoung stirs in his seat, lifting his head up groggily. He looks outside with one eye open. "Tell it to go back to where it came from and make it night again."

Jihoon chuckles under his breath, pulling his chair closer to his boyfriend's. "You're starting to sound more like me," he comments. "Is this what they mean when they say couples become more alike while in a relationship?"

Stretching his arms over his head, Soonyoung yawns and shakes his himself awake. Jihoon offers him another sip of his coffee, which he gratefully takes another long gulp of. "It's a soulmate thing," Soonyoung breezily says. He's grinning like a fool, his cheeks bunched up.

Jihoon sniffs, looking away. "So you're my soulmate now?"

"I've always been your soulmate, Jihoonie." The other boy snickers, nudging Jihoon's arm playfully. 

The latter can't bring himself to look, cheeks warm and blushing. The thought makes him ridiculously happy, but he tries not to show it. 

Jihoon has known Soonyoung for many years now. He may not have liked him as much as others when he first entered the company, but there's no denying how strong their relationship has grown since then. 

He can't remember the last time he felt like this - whole, full of life and love.

"Shut up," he mumbles, pushing the iced coffee towards the other. He doesn't need it now - his brain is awake on something else. 

Soonyoung cheerfully takes it, legs swinging under his chair.  _Simple_ 's familiar tune slowly drifts out of him, the first few bars a gentle hum. Then he starts singing under his breath, so quiet it's barely a whisper, and Jihoon's heart begins to swell.

His lips twitch into a smile. He looks outside again, Soonyoung's sweet voice embracing him in comfort. The sun peeks through the gaps between buildings, catching on the surface of signposts and windows. It bounces off one reflection in particular, and Jihoon follows its path. It leads to Soonyoung, the light gracing one side of his face with morning's radiance.

Soonyoung is so handsome, here like this. Kissed by the sun, beloved by the morning. One corner of his mouth is still slightly crusted with dried drool and his eyes are swollen from fatigue and being pried awake, but the sight of him only makes Jihoon's heart race.

He sighs, at peace. 

Soonyoung turns and their eyes meet. When he smiles, his cheeks catch the sun.

Jihoon is sleep deprived and burning through weeks of pent-up stress, but right now, he's not so tired anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you so much for reading this fic, for all the kudos and the comments! i've been trying to write more these days, and i've decided that this fic will end at thirteen chapters (sort of like a full length soonhoon album) to make time for new fics n_n  
> i will also be soon updating running with the wolves, so keep an eye out for that <3 
> 
> \---
> 
> p.s. for pam <3


	9. track eight: dreaming of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the chaos of their lives, one thing is undeniable: they are each other's past, present, and future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: dreaming of you by cigarettes after sex 
> 
> ( think you'd suit me fine / want you all the time / and now i'm dreaming of you )
> 
> \---
> 
> welp i love this song and i love soonhoon so much

Soonyoung is the first to record for  _Just Do It_ and isn't scheduled to meet Jihoon until five, but he heads over to the recording studio at three anyway with an iced coffee for his boyfriend. 

He yawns into his free hand, shaking his fatigue off. He's tired from spending the past week creating the choreography with their backup dancers for their debut song, and he only sees Jihoon when they're at the company building at the same time, or almost never. He misses him, that's for sure. Nights are lonely without arms around him, without their heads nestled on the same pillow, without Jihoon's fingers playing with his hair. It's been a while, and he hates it.

But that is what makes the next time they do see each other even better.

Jihoon is scrolling through his phone on the couch when he enters. He's wearing one of Soonyoung's hats and the sight of him in it is so attractive, Soonyoung's heart melts. They wear each other's clothes often but Soonyoung likes it best when Jihoon steals one of his hats or shirts. When the other wears them, it's like he has Soonyoung in his mind and in his heart, and he enjoys it too much.

"Hello, stranger," he says, sliding into the small room.

Jihoon looks up from his phone, his mouth opening slightly in surprise. Soonyoung takes the seat on the couch next to him, handing him his coffee. "I thought we weren't meeting yet," he says.

Soonyoung shrugs, putting an arm around Jihoon's seat. "Just thought I'd be a good boyfriend and make sure you were well caffeinated. What are you doing, slacking around?"

Jihoon nudges him slightly while taking a sip of coffee. "That's the good stuff." He sighs happily. "And, no, you brat. I was looking through some photos."

Soonyoung leans his head on Jihoon's shoulder, looking down on the latter's phone. "Oh? Which ones?"

"These." Jihoon flips back and forth a few pictures they took in Japan. Jihoon barely left the hotel when they weren't preparing for their concert or shooting appearances on shows, but one night, Soonyoung had dragged him outside to grab dinner at a nearby convenience store when he learned Jihoon hadn't eaten the entire day. It was the only free day they had, except it wasn't because they had spent the day filming in groups for their new show. It was still the freest he'd felt in a long time, so he wanted to make sure Jihoon was there with him too.

Looking at the picture now, Soonyoung remembers that night fondly. Jihoon had bought three bowls of instant ramen and they shared a bottle of coke and a mini cake between them. Soonyoung took a candid shot of him slurping his noodles, then proceeded to take another of the other boy attempting to shove the phone out of his face. Jihoon had asked him to send the pictures a week later, claiming to need a new profile picture for his KakaoTalk profile. He still uses it, much to Soonyoung's delight.

"I like this one the best," Jihoon snickers, scrolling down his camera roll to a picture of Soonyoung sleeping on the practice room floor, mouth wide open and drool hanging out of it. For three whole days, he had used the picture against Soonyoung to try and get him to do whatever he asked. Not that he'd needed to in the first place; Soonyoung will do anything for his boyfriend. But then he'd taken a similar picture of Jihoon as payback, sleeping practically upside down on his studio couch with his face planted in a hideous expression on the arm of the chair, and the blackmailing was called off.

Soonyoung rolls his eyes, pulling his head back up. "Whatever, Jihoonie. Just know that our future home will have all your ugliest pictures framed up on the walls for all to see."

"Not if I do it first," Jihoon grumbles.

Glee blossoms in Soonyoung's chest. They've been doing this for a while now, passing the topic of their future back-and-forth carefully.

At first, a few months ago, it had just been a joke Soonyoung unconciously slipped into one of their converations, something about the word  _we_ before  _should definitely get a dog_. And although Jihoon had looked at him perplexedly ("Oh, but we already have Mingyu?"), he didn't comment on it. The next time, on a quick trip to the convenience store late at night, Jihoon had whined about needing to find an apartment that lived directly above a store because he was sick and tired of getting out of bed and putting on slippers to walk ten minutes for a pot of instant ramyeon. 

"You're so lazy," Soonyoung had teased him, but Jihoon had just punched him on the arm to shut him up.

After that, Soonyoung had been braver. "We could live on a farm."

Jihoon shoved him in disbelief. "I'm not raising another pig. You're hard work enough already." Soonyoung had grinned, filing away the memory. 

They've never had a whole conversation about tiny quips like this, but Soonyoung's not complaining; he's _glad_. As long as Jihoon isn't outright refusing him, he'll keep going. 

Right now, things are good, things are steady. They prioritise their work above all and respect each other's wishes when needed, like when Jihoon wants time to himself to think or compose, or when Soonyoung requires space to work out his frustrations over perfecting group choreography. It's what he thinks is necessary for a relationship to thrive, for it to have balance. But at the end of the day, they always find the time to come back to each other. Even when they fight over the littlest things and grow frustrated with each other, nothing beats curling up into each other's sides at night or in the practice room, apologising in between kisses and longing sighs.

Jihoon goes back to fiddling with his phone, this time typing in the group chat mindlessly. Soonyoung runs his fingers along the nape of the latter's hair, hand patting Jihoon's leg. Jihoon automatically lifts both his legs up, relaxing them on top of Soonyoung's.

He gives Soonyoung a small but grateful smile. He searches his eyes for a moment. "Tell me about our house?"

Soonyoung grins, all too happy to oblige. "We have a TV that spans an entire wall in the living room." Jihoon rolls his eyes, but leans his head back on the couch. Soonyoung's hand rests on his nape, fingers drumming along Jihoon's skin. "A PlayStation for you to kick Wonwoo's ass with."

"I wholeheartedly agree with this," Jihoon adds.

"And a keyboard in the corner for you. I'd get you a proper piano, but I also have to pay for the mirrors I want for my mini dance studio." Soonyoung laughs, and soon Jihoon joins in, too.

The latter closes his eyes, and Soonyoung admires him from the side. Jihoon's profile is wonderful, his features so sharp and accentuated. The curve of his nose, the planes of his cheeks. The prominent line of his cupid's bow that, if Soonyoung's honest, makes holding back to kiss him all the time even harder. The span of his eyelashes, the soft strands of hair that falls into his eyes. 

Jihoon is devastatingly handsome. It makes Soonyoung's heart beat, makes his skin feel like caught on flames. He burns with affection and desire, and all he can think is how much he  _wants_ him - to kiss him hard into the cushions and make up for lost days.

He sighs, overjoyed. "Our kitchen is small because we can't cook, but there's an apron with a couple design on it just in case we decide to try. There's a storage room we'll fix up into a study-slash-studio, for your computer and guitar and drum set."

"Why's the piano in the living room if I have a studio?" Jihoon asks.

Soonyoung shrugs coolly, smiling. "So I can watch you play." Jihoon blushes furiously at this, putting his phone down momentarily. Soonyoung takes the opportunity to tug Jihoon's hand into his lap, playing with his fingers. "Beautiful," he says under his breath.

Jihoon's breath hitches, eyes still closed, and Soonyoung brings his fingers up to his lips, brushing a quick kiss on each one. "We have a nice, big bed. Thick blankets, the way you like them. I'll try and convince you to let us use a sofa bed instead - you know I think they're fascinating - but you turn me down and we settle on a queen-sized bed. And we have a small, walk-in closet for all your black shirts. I'll probably stock it up with some oversized sweaters every now and then because I know you like to share mine."

"They're comfy," Jihoon mumbles under his breath. His fingers trail Soonyoung's jaw. "I want a bathtub as well, by the way. Not just a shower."

"Anything." Soonyoung nods, leaning into Jihoon's fingers. A happy sigh escapes him, eyes fluttering shut. Just a few hours like this, he thinks. Before things go back to normal and they have to work again. 

They stay like that for a moment, lost in each other. Jihoon's legs rest atop Soonyoung's, and the latter's body is turned towards his boyfriend's. Jihoon keeps his eyes closed, but the smile never leaves his face. Soonyoung watches, admires, loves. 

"Home is not a house," he finds himself saying, the thought springing into his head. He smiles, leaning in to press his lip against Jihoon's cheek. "Home is this. Home is  _you_."

Jihoon's eyes flit open, his mouth hanging in slight surprise. "That's...cheesy," he says after a while. He tries to school his expression into something less shy, but it doesn't fool Soonyoung. He can see the blush on Jihoon's cheeks form, turning from pink to a deep red.

Soonyoung nuzzles Jihoon's cheek before leaning to leave a kiss just below his chin. Jihoon visibly shudders, and Soonyoung's grin is unstoppable. 

"Do you think we can have that?" He asks quietly. "Our own place."

Jihoon nods slowly but with determination. "We will. Not any time soon, but we will."

"One day," Soonyoung says.

"One day," Jihoon echoes.  He turns his head, and Soonyoung meets him with a kiss. Slow and tentative, as if wanting to savour the moment. Jihoon pulls back for a moment, whispering against them, "I can't wait."

Soonyoung stares at him, his heart erratic in his chest. And then he's leaning in again, smiling at Jihoon's flustered expression before closing his eyes and coaxing Jihoon's mouth open with the tip of his tongue.

 

Later, in the golden hours of dawn, Soonyoung is curled up on the couch with Jihoon in his arms, eyes wide open as they lie awake together. 

After Soonyoung had finished practicing with Seungkwan and Seokmin, he'd returned to the studio to find Jihoon lying on the couch, playing a game on his phone. Instead of going back to the dorms, Soonyoung had snuggled up next to him. 

They talked about nothing and everything, from reminiscing their trainee days to debating over the most tearjerking episode of  _Naruto_ , to filling the silence with warm hands on bare skin and roaming mouths.

They don't sleep, even though they know they should. But Soonyoung doesn't mind losing any, not when Jihoon starts humming a random tune, playing with his and Soonyoung's entwined fingers in front of him. Soonyoung has his eyes closed, listening to the steady sound of the other's breathing. 

"I've been thinking about what you said earlier," Jihoon suddenly says quietly. "About home not being a house."

Soonyoung's intake of breath is sharp. "It's you," he repeats, his exhale forming into a smile. "I mean, it is physically a house, sure - but you know that saying? Home is where the heart is, or something like that? I was thinking if that's true, then my home is you."

Jihoon is quiet, taking it in. Soonyoung nods at him proudly.

"You're such a dork, Soonyoung," Jihoon whispers. Then he entwines their fingers together again, firmly this time, clutching it closely to his chest. "But it's not just me. It's...us. Home is us."

Soonyoung is rendered speechless. He can feel Jihoon's heartbeat against his palm, the steady, answering beat of it. Jihoon is warm in his arms, comfortable beneath the soft fabric of their thick hoodies. 

"Yeah?" He asks. 

"Yeah," Jihoon replies, "it is."

They fall into a tranquil silence then, the room filled with the simple sounds of their breathing and their hearts beating. Soonyoung's own heart pounds in his chest, flying in excitement and delight. Jihoon's eyes are closed, and Soonyoung plants delicate kisses on them, trailing his lips down the slope of his nose to his lips. 

Jihoon responds with a kiss first, tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth to pull him closer. Soonyoung lets him, the bite waking him up. His twists to his side, hands grasping at the front of Jihoon's hoodie. One of Jihoon's hands cup Soonyoung's cheek, the other snaking its way around his nape. They push and pull at each other, giving and taking and desperately being consumed by the fire burning between them. Jihoon throws a leg over his, pressing into Soonyoung with his body, and Soonyoung groans into the kiss, fueled by a furious want.

Soonyoung moves from his lips to his neck, nipping at his skin here and there, relishing Jihoon's gasps.

He smiles as Jihoon's fingers wind themselves tightly in his hair, tugging for more and more and more.

Then Jihoon pulls away, his lips swollen red and his cheeks blazing and Soonyoung is thrilled -  _he_ did that. Jihoon looks at him intently, searching his face with focused eyes. He slides them up to Soonyoung's, pleasure meeting pleasure.

"I want you always, Kwon Soonyoung," Jihoon says, voice rough and ragged. He swallows, and Soonyoung watches his throat bob. "We will have that house, that TV, that dance studio. And more, because we deserve it, okay?"

Soonyoung smiles, a fool helplessly in love. "Okay, Jihoonie."

Jihoon pulls him closer, leaning his forehead on Soonyoung's. He closes his eyes and Soonyoung feels his shaky breath against his lips. "We will."

Soonyonug kisses him with all he has, his heart, his mind, his body. Jihoon grips onto him tightly, their limbs tangling, their heartbeats climbing. Soonyoung burns in the fire and drowns under the waves, Jihoon sending him into a frenzy. He feels it everywhere, from his head to his toes, in the pit of his stomach and his groin. His heart aches, yearning for more, to lose himself deeper and deeper.

Jihoon tears himself away just to get up and lock the door. 

When he stumbles back into Soonyoung's arms, time freezes and they throw the world away.

 _Home is you_ , he chants in the back of his head as Jihoon showers him with angry, affectionate kisses. 

 _Home is us_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter made me tear a bit while writing it jdfhgdf  
> as always, thank you so much for giving this fic your love and support! i didn't realise it would do so well when i first started writing it, but i am so grateful T_T i love this fic a lot, and it means the world to me to know that you guys do, too! <3
> 
> \---
> 
> for the greatest disney princess of all time <3 p.s. i miss you but know that i love you always!


	10. track nine: like a star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems like a natural thing, squabbling here and there over the littlest of things, fighting like normal couples do. But he's never done this kind of thing before, so he doesn't know how to deal with it. 
> 
> One thing he does know, however, is that the effect it has on him is monumental.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: like a star by corinne bailey rae
> 
> ( i wonder why it is / i don't argue like this / with anyone but you )
> 
> \---  
> some...(s)light...angst...maybe

 

Jihoon stares at Soonyoung from where’s perched on the couch in the waiting room. Across the floor, the latter is sitting cross-legged in between Seungkwan and Jisoo, the three of them huddled around a small screen, monitoring a recording of their last stage performance.

He holds back a sigh. No matter how much his gaze demands Soonyoung’s attention, he doesn’t give it. It makes Jihoon’s chest ache, but he's being stubborn about it.

It’s been like this for a few days now, even keeping him awake at night. Soonyoung hasn’t snuck into his room to sleep with him, and Jihoon’s spent each night alone and tossing around in his bed, unable to sleep with the weight of their stretched silence pushing down on him.

It seems like a natural thing, squabbling here and there over the littlest of things, fighting like normal couples do. But he's never done this kind of thing before, so he doesn't know how to deal with it. 

One thing he does know, however, is that the effect it has on him is monumental.

He watches as Soonyoung tilts his head back in laughter at something Seungkwan does. The sound ripples through the room, reaching Jihoon. His chest hollows out at the sound; he misses that laugh. He misses Soonyoung making himself laugh even though he’s the one trying to be funny to make Jihoon laugh. He misses Soonyoung talking to him at all.

He misses Soonyoung so much.

Really, it’s Jihoon’s fault. He knows this now – he’s lost many hours of sleep and focus trying to mull over their argument in his head, trying to figure out who was in the wrong and what went wrong where. It all boiled down to one thing last night, a realisation that hit him during the early awakenings of dawn.

 _He_ was the one that hurt Soonyoung’s feelings. _He_ was the one that had hurt Soonyoung.

During the week before, Soonyoung had tried to get Jihoon to spend time outside his studio or the dorm, encouraging him to see some sunlight before retreating into his self-praised dungeon. It had rattled on Jihoon’s nerves, only because he’d been working and focusing then, and he hated the distraction, even if the distraction had been Soonyoung himself.

He’d blown up in front of the other, his pent-up anger bursting at the seams. It had been impossible to hold back. It makes him feel guilty to think back to it now, but the Jihoon in that moment hadn’t been thinking straight.

“I am working for the sake of the team,” Jihoon had growled. Soonyoung stared at him, frozen under the heat of Jihoon’s frustration. “I need you to understand that and get out, okay?”

“Jihoonie,” Soonyoung muttered.

Jihoon shook his head. “Not now, Soonyoung. Just go and stop slacking around. I’m working my ass off here for us to do well next time – go and do the same, yeah?” He’d kept his head down, unable to face his boyfriend, but he’d just been too angry to look anywhere else but at his keyboard.

But now, days of silence between them later, he can imagine it so clearly. Soonyoung’s face, pale and surprised as if he’d been struck, pain flashing in his eyes.

Jihoon’s never spoken to him so coldly before. They’ve argued about not carrying out cleaning duties around the dorms, about making time to visit each other’s families, about Soonyoung accidentally losing a pair of Jihoon’s earphones – things that had been resolved with Soonyoung giving Jihoon’s sleeves a quick tug, pulling him into a hug before the latter had a chance to complain. Soonyoung would always reach out to him first a few hours after a fight.

Not this time, though. Jihoon’s never hurt him directly like this before.

Jihoon realises he’s been clutching onto the couch cushion too hard when he feels his knuckles sting with pain. He looks down, frowning at himself.

He should say sorry. He should try and apologise, because he didn’t mean what he said. Soonyoung doesn’t slack off; he works just as much as Jihoon does for their team. He gives his entire body, his energy, his passion. Without Soonyoung, their stages would be so quiet and empty, and so would Jihoon’s heart.

He thinks back to all the times Soonyoung’s held his face in his hands, looked into his eyes and called him _perfect_. He thinks back to the moments he’s stared at Jihoon with pure fondness, a small, secret smile on his face, a gleam in his eyes. He’s always looked at Jihoon like that, as if he’s this marvelous creature that deserves to be admired, as if he’s a rare gem and his beauty is blinding.

Soonyoung treats him better than anyone else.

And now, Jihoon’s caused his light to dim.

He doesn’t deserve Soonyoung. Despite always telling each other they deserve this happiness, Jihoon thinks he does not deserve the other at all.

He punches the cushion in anger. Jeonghan crosses the room, sitting down beside him.

“Nobody knows what to do with you when you’re miserable,” he says, crossing his legs and feigning interest in the state of his nails. “The others have been avoiding you just in case. Talking goes a long way, you know.”

“I know that,” Jihoon bites, then catches himself. He sighs. “Sorry. I’m just.”

“Emotionally constipated.” Jeonghan nods in understanding.

Jihoon frowns. “I was going to say unsure of what to do.” Jeonghan rolls his eyes at him. “I’m not good with conflict, okay? I’m not as hard as everyone thinks I am. I’m just quiet.” He groans. “I don’t know what to do.”

“All he ever wants is your attention,” Jeonghan says breezily. “He loves you a lot – even when you’re being a dick – so, yeah, just go for it. Stop waiting for it and take the first step.”

“I can’t,” Jihoon protests.

Jeonghan sighs, looking at him pointedly. “You can, Jihoon. You’re just afraid of feeling vulnerable, but apologising isn’t vulnerability. He deserves your apology – you both do.”

Jihoon’s frown is heavy on his face. His eyes flit towards Soonyoung, who’s still sandwiched in between Seungkwan and Jisoo. They’ve moved on from watching their performance to talking amongst themselves.

Soonyoung’s smiling at something Jisoo’s telling the both of them, mouth slowly widening into a grin, then a laugh. It pulls on Jihoon’s heartstrings, sending his chest into a frenzy at the same time he’s hit with sadness.

Jeonghan’s right. He’s afraid of feeling vulnerable – how can he not, when Soonyoung is his first and he wants to be good enough for the both of them?

But Soonyoung isn’t just anyone. He isn’t _just_ his first. There’s something between them that’s always been more, something that will always be more.

So, Jihoon resolves, standing up from his seat and walking out of the room to do some more thinking without the distraction of Soonyoung, that he’ll do whatever he can to keep this. This love and this boy, because there is a future here, and he believes in it.

 

Jihoon spends the next two days clinging onto Soonyoung.

In the practice rooms, in the studio, in the dorms. Even when Soonyoung decides to go for a stroll at three to the convenience store at three in the morning, Jihoon tags along.

It starts off quiet, with Jihoon doing most of the talking. Conversations and starting them aren’t things he’s used to or particularly skilled at, but he tries. Whenever he gets a chance alone with him, he’ll stick to Soonyoung’s side and ask him about his team. Most times, Soonyoung keeps to himself with his phone in front of him, watching something, and Jihoon slides up to him just to ask what it is. It’s almost always an anime or a western action film, so Jihoon attempts to wade through stiff waters with conversations about them.

Soonyoung barely responds sometimes, but Jihoon manages to get a quirk of a smile here and there from him. It’s when he feels the most triumphant – whenever Soonyoung’s face flashes with _something_ before he catches himself and schools it into an expression of indifference.

It doesn’t deter Jihoon, however. Jihoon latches onto Soonyoung like a koala whenever he can, tugging at the hems of his sweaters, holding onto the long sleeves of the latter’s hoodies. He’ll pull himself along to wherever Soonyoung’s going, just so he can have more time to talk to him. Sometimes, he even attempts putting an arm around his boyfriend, leaning his head onto his shoulder or into his arm whenever Jihoon pulls him in.

Soonyoung’s reactions at first are stiff, barely even paying Jihoon any attention. But the latter doesn’t give up – he takes care of Soonyoung as much as he can, just the way Soonyoung takes care of him.

“I’ll get you a drink,” Jihoon tells him once the group breaks away from dance practice to sit in the corners of the room. Soonyoung drops onto his knees, brushing his hair back under his hat, nodding without looking at him.

Jihoon is exhausted himself, but it hurts him to know that this is one of the things he’d used against Soonyoung.

He rushes to the water fountain, filling an empty bottle he’d grabbed earlier. When he returns to the practice room, Soonyoung takes it gratefully, gulping down half the bottle. He holds it out to Jihoon, but Jihoon shakes his head, sitting down beside him.

“You’d think practicing a song that’s got a dance already would be easier, huh,” Jihoon starts, winding his fingers into his hoodie sleeves.

“Yeah, I guess.” Soonyoung shrugs, still not meeting his eyes. He hasn’t been doing so in the past two days Jihoon’s tried to reach out to him, and it’s starting to making him feel like his progress hasn’t really been going anywhere.

Jihoon swallows his pride, and asks, “Can we – can I…Soonyoung, can we talk?”

Soonyoung gets up from his knees, calling the other members to regroup. “Later,” he tells him, but he doesn’t sound enthusiastic about it.

Jihoon’s heart falls into his stomach, where it bubbles into worry. He hangs back in his position even when they’re ready to start practicing again, trying to ignore the questioning stares the others send his way.

Jeonghan pats him on the shoulder on his way to his spot. Jihoon just sighs, picks himself back up, and starts again.

 

Later, when practice is finished and some of the members head back to the dorms, Jihoon stays behind with Jeonghan, Seungkwan, Chan, and Soonyoung. They were on grocery duty with a list Mingyu had given them earlier, but Jihoon is hoping Jeonghan will let him and Soonyoung off.

“Can we talk now?” Jihoon asks. He’s crossed the room to stand in front of Soonyoung, who’s still practicing in front of the mirrors on his own. The others are far back, talking amongst themselves by the computer.

Jihoon clears his throat when Soonyoung ignores him. “Please,” he whispers.

Soonyoung halts mid-motion before straightening himself up with a sigh. He turns to Jihoon, finally meeting his eyes.

“You want to talk now?” Soonyoung asks, folding his arms across his chest.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for the past few days,” Jihoon replies quietly.

“I’ve noticed,” Soonyoung tells him blandly. He lets out another sigh, unfolding his arms to run a hand through his hair and down his face. “Jihoon. I'm really tired.”

Jihoon fidgets with his hoodie sleeves, fingers winding and unwinding with them. “Please talk to me. I need to know what’s on your mind before I say anything else.”

He’d planned on directly apologising – for his own stupidity, for his biting remarks and terrible attitude. But he realises now that it’s never going to improve if he doesn’t know what Soonyoung really thinks.

It’s always best to face the criticism head on – it’s what he does with his music, so why is he so stubborn to do it with people? He has to try, though. Soonyoung has been the one to always listen – now it’s his turn.

Soonyoung searches him carefully, hesitant to begin. His hands fall to his sides, resigned. “I do understand you, you know. I know your moods like my own. I know what you need and when, and I know what you’re like.”

 _I know_ , Jihoon wants to say, but doesn’t because he doesn’t want to interrupt. Soonyoung knows him better than he knows _himself_.

Soonyoung shoves his hands into his pockets before continuing, face softening. “I know you love working and doing what you do, but I also know you need to step back and take breaks. Before that day, you spent absolutely no time at home or outside the company building. I spent all my time there with you whenever I could, waiting to take you out whenever you wanted to – but you didn’t.” Jihoon opened his mouth to protest, to say that he never planned on it, not when he’d been in the zone, but Soonyoung looks at him pointedly, so he shuts up.

“I get you were into it,” Soonyoung continues, “but I know when to stop you before you burn out.”

Jihoon bites his tongue, feeling his cheeks burn with shame.

It’s true. It clicks into realisation quickly, yet still too late, but it’s true. He’d gotten cranky that day because he hadn’t left his studio. Because he hadn’t given himself a break, because he’d been busy worrying about their next comeback, trying to make it as good as their last.

He didn’t know it then, but Soonyoung did.

Jihoon chews on his bottom lip, eyes falling from Soonyoung’s face to his chest. “I’m sorry, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung steps forward until their shoes touch, his hands coming up to cup Jihoon’s cheeks. He tilts his head up, forcing his eyes back onto his. “I just want you to know that I know you, okay? Please trust me. I’m only looking out for you.”

Hot tears prick Jihoon’s eyes – he feels stupid now. Stupid and foolish and very much in love. He blinks them away, but they still pool in the corners of his eyes. Soonyoung brushes them away with his thumb, and Jihoon nuzzles his cheek into his boyfriend’s palms.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon whispers again. “I didn’t mean what I said about you. You don’t slack off – _god_ , I was so stupid to say that. You’re a valuable part of this team, Soonyoung. You’re a valuable part of _me_.”

Soonyoung smiles, slow and wide and lovely. “Should I ignore you more often just so I can see more of you being like this?”

Jihoon adamantly shakes his head. A tear trickles out of one of his eyes, but Soonyoung catches it. He’s crying and he hates it, but he was so worried – nothing is scarier than noisy and bubbly Soonyoung being quiet and lifeless. Nothing is scarier than losing the biggest part of him.

Jihoon snakes his arms around Soonyoung’s middle. He buries his face into the latter’s chest, smothering his face into his hoodie, wiping away his wet eyes and breathing in the scent of his cologne.

Soonyoung smells fresh, even though he’s spent the day damp with sweat. He smells like home, and Jihoon wants to cry, because he did it, it took him a while, but he did it – he's made it back home.

“I’m sorry, Soonyoung,” he repeats. “I don’t want to fight anymore. Will you forgive me?”

Soonyoung wraps his arms around Jihoon, cradling his head with one hand, burying themselves deeper into each other, making up for lost time. “We just needed time, is all.”

Jihoon nods, sniffling. “I love you, okay? I’m sorry, and I love you.”

“I know, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung says softly, caressing the back of his head. “I love you, too.”

 

( “I think we should stop staring,” Chan mumbles to Jeonghan and Seungkwan. The three of them are huddled around the computer, trying to look as if they aren't snooping into the private moment between their two teammates.

Soonyoung pulls Jihoon’s face back from his chest, and the two smile at each other. Chan darts his eyes away from them, trying to subtly feign interest in the speakers, fiddling with the volume dial.

“Hey, give me your phone,” Jeonghan says to Seungkwan, nudging him on his side. "I need pictures or this didn't happen."

“Hyung,” Chan hisses when he catches Seungkwan pulling out his phone, “you can’t do that!”

Seungkwan shushes him, waving him off. “It’s for the scrapbook.”

“What scrapbook?!”

Jeonghan _tsk_ s, shaking his head at Chan. “Come on, maknae, stay in the loop. We have a scrapbook dedicated to Jihoon’s character development.”

“His what?” Chan asks flatly. 

“Character development,” Seungkwan repeats. “He’s levelled up since last time.”

“Heck, I’m so proud,” Jeonghan adds, discreetly holding up Seungkwan’s phone to take a picture. Jihoon’s untangled himself from Soonyoung’s front to wind himself around his back, arms coming up in a back-hug.

Seungkwan lets out a quiet squeal. “I could cry.”

“Fuck,” Jeonghan mutters, “me too.”

Chan looks between them, eyes going back and forth; he doesn’t _believe_  his. 

Seungkwan continues to make comments about how sweet Jihoon’s being (“for once,” he scoffs) and Jeonghan’s still snapping more pictures of the moment. But then Jihoon lets out a loud growl from across the room, and the three of them freeze.

“I can see you,” Jihoon yells, popping his head out from behind Soonyoung to glare at them. “And I can _hear_ you.”

“Oops, time to go.” Jeonghan shoves Seungkwan’s phone back at him, and the later pockets it in a hurry. Chan pushes his hyungs forward, smiling apologetically at Jihoon, who’s still sending them daggers.

“Don’t mind them,” Chan hears Soonyoung tell Jihoon, “they’re just jealous.”

The door closes behind them then, but Jihoon’s voice is loud enough for them to hear the growl. Seungkwan and Jeonghan giggle to themselves, while Chan busies himself with trying to calm down his erratic heart.

After a pause, Jihoon’s voice carries through the door. “Well, you should be jealous, you fuckers!” )

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for pam, because 1) i love you, and 2) this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you <3


	11. track ten: i like me better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon's too lazy for this kind of event, but luckily Soonyoung's there to lift his spirits up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: i like me better by lauv
> 
> ( i like me better when i'm with you )
> 
> \---
> 
> say hello to august 20. 2018. we are gathered here today to commemorate that glorious, glorious day. a win for soonhoon and us soonhoonists [fist pump emoji]. we will never forget you!!!

There are about a dozen other things Jihoon would rather be doing right now. Composing, practicing, eating, sleeping. Anything but this – sitting around and waiting for SEVENTEEN’s name to be called out for the Idol Star Athletics Championship opening ceremony, and the entire event itself.

He has no idea what they’re even doing here; the empty eight of them instead of the homely thirteen. He wishes he could be at home, resting. And judging by the hashtags he usually lurks around on his private SNS, the fans think the same thing.

Pocketing his phone, he sighs, slipping his name card over him. He finds Soonyoung cross-legged next to Seokmin and Jeonghan in the changing rooms, the three of them into their hoodie sleeves as they wait for time to pass.

He makes his way over to them, lowering himself down to sit beside Soonyoung. The latter’s tired face brightens, and Jihoon inches himself closer to him until their arms and shoulders are touching.

“Can’t be bothered,” Jihoon grumbles, leaning his head on his boyfriend's shoulders. When he gets clingy like this, he thinks back to all the times he’s said he hates skinship, marveling at how Soonyoung is the only exception.

He’s glad that affection is considered somewhat normal behaviour within idol groups. It’s a good sign of a strong friendship, the fans and the public say. But what they don’t know is that their world isn’t as closed-off as today’s society. Beneath all the friendly hugs and caring after one another on-screen, idols hide a lot more feelings than people think, and Jihoon is always in awe at how well all they manage to hide it.

It helps him feel more comfortable being close to Soonyoung. At least he can be like this without anyone scrutinising him harshly.

Soonyoung nudges him gently. “You can do it, Jihoonie!”

Holding back the urge to pout and bury his face into his boyfriend’s neck – he knows he’s bound to get carried away if he does – Jihoon closes his eyes. He imagines the two of them back in his room, curled up next to each other on his narrow bed. Soonyoung’s arms under his head, their bodies welded together.

He sighs; if only they could be back there. It’s always the little moments he looks forward to. He holds them in the palms of his hands with care, treasuring every single second of them.

“The other kids get a break,” he whines, because he’s tired and sleepy and in desperate need of a cup of coffee.

Soonyoung pats his knee. He lets his hand rest there, squeezing it for a second. “Just today, I promise. I’ll make it fun for you.”

Jihoon wants to hold his hand, but he can’t. Instead, he sighs again and lets himself relax against Soonyoung’s side. “You know what’s fun? Sleeping.”

“You’re so grumpy, Jihoonie.” Soonyoung laughs, and the sound of it makes Jihoon smile. After a quiet beat, the former nudges him again. “How about we bet on it?”

“Bet on what?”

“I’m running the sixty metres race, right?” Jihoon can practically _hear_ his grin. “If I come first, you have to take me out to dinner. And also maybe hold my hand on the way home – we’ll take the back streets, don’t worry. _And_ you have to say something cheesy about me.”

Jihoon frowns. “Soonyoung, we do all of that anyway. I’m the one who buys us takeout most of the time.”

Soonyoung inhales as if he’s about to say something, but Jeonghan stands up, jolting Jihoon upright.

“Come on, we have to line up,” the older boy tells them, standing up and calling the others over. Seokmin gets up to follow him, and the six boys find their spots in line. Soonyoung stays with a hand held out for Jihoon, who’s still sitting and contemplating lying down and never moving again.

With a playful smile, Soonyoung nudges him with the tip of his shoe. “Get up, you slug.”

With his help, Jihoon begrudgingly pulls himself up. One second on his feet and he’s already tired again. Running a hand through his hair, he mumbles, “who are you calling slug?”

Soonyoung gives him another easy laugh before leading them towards the line. He sticks close by as they wait with the others at the entrance. Jihoon leans on the wall, hands in his pockets, wishing he could be cuddling with his dumb boyfriend instead of using his body unnecessarily.

“So…about that bet,” Soonyoung starts.

Jihoon holds up a hand to stop him. “I refuse your terms. It doesn’t make sense if we already do the dinner and hand-holding thing anyway.”

Soonyoung grins, stuffing his hands into the front of his hoodie. “I have more to put up for negotiation, you know.”

The line starts slowly moving, the groups ahead of them advancing as they’re called in one by one. Announcements are being made in the arena and fan cheers were booming all around the walls, but here they are, in their own world, the way Jihoon secretly likes it.

Narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend, Jihoon shakes his head. “You’re going to embarrass me again, aren’t you?”

They always do this. The last time they’d bet on each other, they were playing Tetris on Soonyoung’s phone and the latter had challenged Jihoon to beat his high score. Jihoon, Games Master No.2 after Jeon Wonwoo, had attempted and drastically failed by two hundred points. He had to bow down to Soonyoung in the middle of a stage rehearsal and publicly declare him the love of his life in front of all the members and the staff.

The thought of it still embarrasses him. Jeonghan had apparently taken pictures, because for a whole week following the incident, he’d sent them over and over again to their group chat. The picture of Jihoon pretending to kiss Soonyoung’s boots had also been the chat picture for a solid month. Now it’s of Hansol’s face from one of his fansite pictures, the same one they’re all using as the design for their phone cases.

“No,” Soonyoung replies, but his spluttering snickers say the opposite. Jihoon crosses his arms over his chest, looking at him pointedly. “Okay, how about this instead? If I win, I want you to go on camera during my interview and joke about me winning your heart, or something like that."

Jihoon wants to punch him. Usually, he wants to do it with his lips, but now he wants to swap them out with his fist.

“I hope you lose,” Jihoon deadpans. He’s blushing while Soonyoung laughs, and he desperately prays that Soonyoung comes in second so he doesn’t have to do it.

But Soonyoung’s happy face is the brightest thing he’s ever seen in his life, second-best to the way the boy looks at him when they’re alone – with incessant fondness. Beyond all his embarrassment, he can see it now – Soonyoung’s nose scrunching as his smile reaches all the way up to his eyes, his entire face glimmering with joy.

He’s not competitive like Jihoon. No, Soonyoung treats each and every one of his victories as if he’s climbed a grueling mountain and made it to the top.

 _God help me_ , Jihoon thinks. He wants Soonyoung to win, too.

 

Jihoon’s doing what he does best while they wait for the events they’re put down for – he’s lying down.

He’s lost track of what events have passed, too busy either playing with his phone or messing around with the members. A part of him wishes the others were here, too. It’s empty with one missing. With five gone, it feels like he's floating in a dark abyss.

“Hey,” Soonyoung says, lightly tapping Jihoon’s head with his knee. “Come here.”

Jihoon cranes his neck to the side. Soonyoung’s folded his legs to make a nest, leaning back with his palms flat behind him. He lifts one up to tap on his thigh, and Jihoon stares at it for a moment.

Soonyoung has nice thighs. He admires them often, mostly when the other isn’t watching.

Soonyoung pats it again, gesturing with his head this time. “Your neck will hurt and you’ll just get grumpy again.”

Jihoon shuffles closer, lifting his hand up to ruffle his hair before lying it atop his boyfriend’s thigh. “I should’ve brought a pillow with me,” he says.

Soonyoung glances down at him, smiling. “That’s what I’m here for.”

Jihoon rests his hands on his chest, crossing one leg over the other. He shifts his head into Soonyoung’s lap a few times to make himself comfortable, and the other straightens up slightly to give him more room to rest his head.

“I’m starting to think I’m going bald,” Jihoon tells him.

Soonyoung snorts. “I’m surprised you’re not bald yet. You and me both, actually.”

Jihoon plays with the back of his hair, fluffing strands with his fingers to show Soonyoung. “I want to go shorter. I’m kinda bored of having it in my face all the time.”

“You look good like this,” Soonyoung says, looking down at him.

“Eh,” Jihoon shrugs. “It’s like playing with straw – you know, the kind you see in the fields, not a plastic drinking straw. We're definitely going bald.”

Soonyoung laughs quietly. “Are you so bored right now that you’re contemplating this so seriously?”

“Hush, Kwon Soonyoung,” Jihoon hums. “It'll me now, Jeonghan next, and then you.”

“We’ll be eggs together,” Soonyoung remarks. “I’ll be stroking your bald head all the time. I already have a hard time keeping my hands off you.”

Jihoon lets it slide. He blushes and feels himself warm from the neck down, but forces himself to let it go. He has to, or else he’ll expose himself. He fights the smile, too, because it’ll only give Soonyoung satisfaction and Jihoon will be reduced to embarrassment yet again.

Luckily, Seokmin’s drawn their attention away from Jihoon’s inner turmoil with a joke. They all laugh, and Soonyoung chimes in. Jihoon doesn’t even listen to what they’re saying, even though he’s laughing with them. If anything, he’s laughing because Soonyoung’s only gone and made him feel ridiculously pleasant, and also because Soonyoung’s laughter is one of his favourite things to hear.

He listens and admires, as always with the person he loves. Soonyoung is at ease, and so is he. It helps divert Jihoon’s attention away from his exhaustion.

A few moments later, Soonyoung returns to him. He bends down slightly, shifting from one hand to another.

“Will you cheer me on?” He asks Jihoon.

He’s looking down at him, Jihoon can feel it. He feels the weight of Soonyoung’s care wrap around him like a blanket. He does it so easily, with little effort. It amazes Jihoon how light he feels under his warm gaze, as if he can do anything so long as Soonyoung looks at him like that.

“Of course, idiot,” Jihoon says. He turns his head slightly to give him a smile – a small, short one for now – and quickly straightens himself, his eyes on the bleachers with the wide spread of idol fans. Though his eyes are on them, his mind is elsewhere.

Soonyoung hums cheerfully under his breath. “Not to get all sappy again, but,” he mutters, low enough only for the two of them to hear, “I can’t stop looking at you, Jihoonie.”

“You already know what I look like,” Jihoon replies, trying not to melt under the other’s gaze and the tenderness of his voice.

Soonyoung seems to get to him when he least expects it. A comment about how he looks in certain lighting here, another comment about how powerful he looks on the stage there. Soonyoung always finds something about him to compliment, and though he tries not to show how much it delights him, Jihoon positively thrives with each one.

He’s used to comments about how hard he works as SEVENTEEN’s producer, how his skills in music have grown over time. Fans tell him he gets handsomer with each comeback. The public praise him for his charisma. But they’ve never made him feel like _this_.

With Soonyoung, it’s different. He knows he should be used to all of it, now that they’ve been together for so long – friends long before they entertained the possibility of becoming something more – but it feels different and exciting every time Soonyoung tells him something like this. Special, he thinks.

Soonyoung always makes him feel so special.

“You’re so handsome, Jihoonie.” One of Soonyoung’s hands move as if he’s about to lift it towards him, but the other stops himself before he can. Jihoon briefly imagines him stroking his face or running his fingers through his hair.

He swallows the anticipation that’s lodged itself in his throat. Later, he reminds himself. He’ll wait until later, when they are free to hold each other and turn Jihoon, albeit reluctantly, into jelly.

“Shut up, stupid,” Jihoon mutters, thoroughly crimson in the face now.

Soonyoung laughs, shaking his head. After a while, Jihoon joins in and Soonyoung starts making jokes about the way they all look wearing yellow, likening them to chickens before spinning the conversation towards the chickens he used to raise. Jihoon listens, laughing with him, adding comments and asking questions here and there – anything to keep Soonyoung talking, using it as an anchor to get him through the day.

Chan asks Soonyoung something about one of Performance Team’s schedules a while later, and Jihoon relieves him of his pillow duties. Seokmin replaces him, however, so he’s not entirely left alone.

 

Soonyoung drags him out of the arena a few hours later, claiming to be in need of a bathroom break. Jihoon only agrees because he could use the walk and some time away from the noisy crowds and terrible echo of overhead announcements and cheers.

The bathrooms are empty when they get there but Soonyoung doesn’t directly go to relieve himself in one. Instead, he takes Jihoon’s hand and pulls him to the end of the room, just outside the door of the furthest cubicle.

He takes Jihoon by surprise when he yanks him to his chest, his arms winding around him quickly and tightly. Jihoon holds his arms out, not yet reciprocating because he has to ask, “is this a peeing ritual or something?”

Soonyoung’s laugh shudders through him. “I just needed this.”

Jihoon squeezes his arms around his waist, burying his face into Soonyoung’s chest. He understands, of course. He’s been needing this since they woke up in a hurry to get ready to leave the dorms.

“Can’t believe you chose the bathroom for this,” Jihoon mumbles into the other’s hoodie. “You're so gross.”

Soonyoung rests his face into the nook of Jihoon’s neck. Jihoon shudders when his boyfriend inhales deeply, planting a kiss on his neck.

Jihoon forces himself to stay steady, to not shiver under the heat of the kiss, to not tremble at the knees. He punches Soonyoung in the back with a gentle fist. “I’m not doing this here,” he grumbles.

“We’re not doing anything at all, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung croons into his skin.

“ _Soonyoung_ ,” Jihoon warns.

Cackling, Soonyoung pulls his head back up. He grins, wagging his eyebrows. “Just kidding,” he says, and Jihoon half hopes he really isn’t. “I’ll save it for later.”

Jihoon sighs in mock resign. “You’re so desperate.”

Soonyoung has the audacity to wink, so Jihoon stomps on one of his feet. He smiles triumphantly when Soonyoung winces and buries his head into the other again, arms around him tight.

“Good luck for your race,” Jihoon tells him.

Soonyoung rubs mindless circles into Jihoon’s back, nodding. “I need to win for the sake of our bet, of course.”

“Stupid,” Jihoon mutters, lifting his eyes to him. “What happens if you lose?”

Soonyoung considers this for a moment, mouth quirking back and forth in thought. “You can have full rights to mock me.”

Jihoon puts on his best menacing expression, but he can see his reflection in Soonyoung’s dark, gleaming eyes. He doesn’t look menacing at all, but rather quite silly. Soonyoung is rubbing off on him. “Perfect.” He nods. “Ultimately my favourite thing to do in life.”

The other shakes his head with quiet laughter, his arms embracing Jihoon more firmly. Jihoon quite likes it like this; it keeps him grounded. Another quiet moment to add to his collection.

Soonyoung buries his face into Jihoon’s hair, and the latter feels the weightlessness of a kiss from him. “You live to kill me,” he breathes.

They stand like this for a while longer, holding each other away from the wondering, watchful eyes of the crowd. Jihoon’s mood is much lighter now, an improvement from his grouchiness earlier. He definitely feels more at ease here, where he belongs.

Soonyoung leans in to whisper into his ear about all the things he wants to do to Jihoon later. The heat Jihoon feels is like an itch begging to be scratched. He can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be right now.

Soonyoung grazes his nose along his cheek, their lips finding each other in the dreamy haze they’ve created for themselves. The thought strikes him some time in between Soonyoung’s hands reaching for his face and Jihoon careening into his warm palms.

 _You live to kill me_ , Soonyoung said. But he’s wrong.

 _I live to love you_ , he thinks to himself, kissing Soonyoung with everything he’s got, feeling his exhaustion melt away with every breath shared between them.

 

Soonyoung comes fourth in his race and Jihoon is so, so proud of him.

He runs around the bend, phone held out recording the whole thing, trying to catch up with his boyfriend. Soonyoung heads off to the side, slowing down with his hands on his hips as he tries to steady his breathing.

Jihoon makes sure his camera catches the whole thing. It’ll make for an excellent addition to the folder of funniest moments they're all compiling in their group chat. But not only that – it’s to go in his own personal collection of his favourite Soonyoung moments.

Soonyoung looks worn out after his run, but he’s still smiling. Grinning, even, with a triumphant glow on his face. Sweat drips from his temples, running down to his chin. Jihoon and the guys crowd around him with their phones out, pretending to host an athlete’s interview.

Jihoon makes sure to take screenshots along with his video – for keeps, of course. He wants to remember this moment, the look on Soonyoung’s face, the unmistakable pride.

“Fourth place is still pretty much the same as first,” Soonyoung pants, grinning down at Jihoon when the others are done recording.

Jihoon pockets his phone, satisfied with the new addition to his collection. “You forget the second and third place in between them, stupid.”

“They start with the same letter in English.” Soonyoung runs his hand through his sweat-matted hair, his Adam’s apple throbbing as he swallows. Jihoon tries to keep his eyes on the other's face. He wonders when the hell this event will finish already.

Jihoon narrows his eyes at him. “You lost the best, Soonyoung. You can’t barter for more.”

Soonyoung pouts – he _pouts_ , and god damn him, because Jihoon is in too good of a mood to hit him for it. “C’mon, Jihoonie. I ran my best out there. Besides – you always make fun of me anyway.”

Jihoon shrugs at that. He’s starting to think they should both stop making these silly bets, really. “You make it so easy,” he says. “It’s…cute...I guess.”

Soonyoung grins. “Cute?”

“Shut up,” Jihoon grumbles.

“Please, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung pleads, swinging his shoulders back and forth. “I just got my ass handed to me out there. I should at least qualify for a little pick-me-up. I mean, I am starting to feel bummed out…”

Jihoon is incredulous as he watches Soonyoung feign disappointment over his loss. He’s got his hands clasped together, his bottom lip jutting out, his shoulders slumped. Everything about it screams fake, but it only makes Jihoon feel weak.

“Fucking fine,” he mumbles after a while. Soonyoung quickly perks up at that, but as if remembering to pretend to be sad, he pouts again. “You are a giant baby. And _no_ , don’t say it.” He practically growls the last few words out upon seeing Soonyoung’s mouth move to open, probably to say something like “but I’m your baby!”.

Soonyoung may think he’s good at softening Jihoon up, but Jihoon knows all of his tricks like the back of his hand already.

“Just this once,” Soonyoung tells him.

Jihoon points an accusing finger at him. “It’s never just this once.”

Soonyoung swats his finger away, his face brightening expectantly. “Seeing as though my original terms are no longer valid, we'll go with the cheesy line. I'll even let you pick.”

“That’s almost worse,” Jihoon protests. His boyfriend crosses his arms over his chest, hip jutted out on one side, his foot tapping for effect. Jihoon glares, trying to stare him down into backing out.

But he doesn’t.

Sighing heavily, Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Kwon Soonyoung,” he mutters. “You may have come fourth in your race, but you’ll always come first in my heart.”

It’s not his best, he knows, but the other things he wants to say are either far too inappropriate for this setting, or they’re too embarrassing for him to confess. He’ll save them anyway, in a chest in his head for the next time he wants to write a song.

Soonyoung positively gleams. His mouth stretches out into a wide smile, his cheeks glimmering with sweat and pride and delight. Jihoon flushes, face heating at the sight of him like this.

He wants to kiss Soonyoung. He wants to kiss the smile off his face. He wants to kiss him long and hard and never let him go.

But for now, however, he'll just have to add the thought into the save-for-later box they’ll both have to shuffle through when they get home.

Jihoon can’t seem to stop himself from smiling along with Soonyoung as the latter takes him by the shoulders and gives him a little shake. “You’re the best, Jihoonie!” he yells.

Jihoon honestly cannot be any more proud of him.

 

 

Later, when Soonyoung is preparing with Seokmin, Wonwoo and Chan to do the relay race, Jihoon sends one of the pictures of Soonyoung he took after his race to the group chat.

It’s one where his face is slightly blurred, making him look a little funny, but his smile is the thing that stands out most, brighter than the vivid yellow coats they’re wearing.

 

**[ SAY THE NAME (13) ]**

**Jihoon**

[15:43] < image attached >

[15:41] competing with mingyu for the cutest pup

 

**Seungcheol**

[15:45] ???????

[15:45] ???? jihoon

[15:45] are you…ok...?

 

**Hansol**

[15:46] cant believe jihoon hyung just said that

 

**Jihoon**

[15:48] fuck off he’s so happy

[15:48] < image attached >

[15:48] look at him

 

**Seungcheol**

[15:48] ??????????????

 

**Seungkwan**

[15:50] screenshotting it for the character development

 

**Jihoon**

[15:50] fuck you

 

**[ LJH** **♥** **KSY (2) ]**

 

**Jihoon**

[15:51] you can’t see this right now but

[15:51] im cheering for you, stupid

[15:51] thanks for making my day a little less tiring

[15:51] i love you.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for pam, always. (you know <3)
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> i've received such wonderful reception for this fic that i'm conflicted about my original plan to end this at 13 chapters. i intended on making it a full-length album-kinda thing and then coming back later with a mini-album of more soonhoon mini fics (THE THEME JDHGFDDGF), but your comments and thoughts have been incredibly touching and motivating, and now i don't know what to do ;;; would you rather i keep this going? or go ahead with the original plan?   
> i am fine with either one as i'm always in for more fluffy soonhoon fics fghfogdf  
> thank you always for your love and support, it really does mean a lot to me! <3


	12. track eleven: act naturally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soonyoung is an idiot, but he's Jihoon's idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: act naturally by royal teeth
> 
> ( i know what you really need / show me something i can always see / keep me close and i'll hold you every night )

Usually, when Jihoon wants to punch Soonyoung in the face, it’s with his lips. But not today.

“Soonyoung.”

He tries to breathe through his nose; in and out and in and out. His will is tittering on the edge of breaking, and he wants nothing more than to go home and bury his face in his pillow and scream.

Standing sheepishly in the middle of the canned goods aisle, Soonyoung at least has the decency to look ashamed of himself, though his hands are held up as if to say _I’m innocent!_

Jihoon knows better, however. At some point in between them pushing the cart past bags of pasta and miscellaneous cooking ingredients, a giant display pyramid of cans of Spam had fallen over. And not because of an accident, but because of _Soonyoung_.

Jihoon wants to pity the person who’d spent their time stacking them – even though he thinks having so much canned meat on display is extremely unnecessary – but he’s too busy cursing Soonyoung for destroying it. The latter had apparently been sneaking up and down the aisle with more Spam in his arms whilst Jihoon wasn’t looking, adding onto the pyramid to make it taller.

Until he’d gotten caught in his excitement and accidentally bumped into it, sending a wave of cans spilling all over the floor.

Thank god it’s late at night and there aren’t many customers out and about. This grocery store near their dorm is the only one open past eleven in the evening, so it’s quite empty and quiet. Save, of course, for the demon within Jihoon that’s currently battling against his consideration for the store employees, because he really wants to scream and throw things at his boyfriend.

He supposes it’ll have to wait until they’re back at home, where Soonyoung is no longer under the protection of CCTV cameras.

Jihoon waits with the cart on one side as Soonyoung tip-toes around his mess. He punches the latter on the arm when he turns to bow apologetically to the fallen cans before dragging him away from the aisle with their secured groceries.

“I want to leave you here,” he whispers, making sure his face is hidden beneath his hat, “but you know the way home, unfortunately. So I can’t lose you, _unfortunately_.”

Soonyoung props his collar up to cover half of his face. “I think we should get out of here.”

Jihoon shoves him lightly, sighing. “You think?”

Groaning miserably – _good_ , Jihoon thinks – Soonyoung takes control of the cart and lines it up at one of the self-service checkouts. He starts unloading the packs of ramen, spring onions, carts of coke, and boxes of toothpaste that Seungcheol had sent them shopping for, scanning them one by one while Jihoon stands back with his arms crossed over his chest, leaving it all up to the other as punishment.

“I should make you carry all the bags back by yourself,” he says, tapping his foot.

Soonyoung pauses what he’s doing to turn his head towards him, pouting. “You wouldn’t, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon wrinkles his nose. “You’re lucky I love you.”

When Soonyoung finishes packing the groceries into plastic bags, giggling to himself as he mutters Jihoon’s confession repeatedly to himself, Jihoon takes out Seungcheol’s card from his wallet and pays.

He takes the bag with the drinks in and leaves the food to Soonyoung, knowing they’re light enough not to give him any trouble. He’ll take the heavy bottles as exercise, he thinks; anything for the gains.

“Do you think they’ll come after me for what I did?” Soonyoung asks once they’re out on the street.

“Full on police force and handcuffs,” Jihoon deadpans. He lets out a resigned sigh when he hears his boyfriend groan again, the latter shaking his head at himself. “Relax, I think you just pissed off whoever’s on the night shift, but you’ll be fine.”

“I should’ve cleaned it up at least.”

“It was a big mess,” he reminds him. “And we have eleven ugly kids with loud mouths to feed, so we had to dash. You know what they’re like when they’re hungry.”

Soonyoung’s still pouting, still sulking even as Jihoon switches his bag over to his left hand so he can give Soonyoung’s arm a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t worry, idiot,” he says softly. “It was an accident.”

He knows Soonyoung doesn’t like being an inconvenience – he’s probably taking this to heart, which makes him feel slightly guilty for getting annoyed when it first happened. But it’s something that he knows will stay on Soonyoung’s conscience for a while. Until they get back to his room so they can sleep together, words are all he can give to comfort him.

“I’m so stupid,” Soonyoung mutters after a while, looking at him with his bottom lip jutted out.

Jihoon shakes his head, giving his boyfriend’s arm another squeeze before letting go. “Yeah, you kinda are. Like really, really stupid.” He manages to keep his face straight until Soonyoung’s pout deepens, but then he gives into laughing. Soonyoung is inexplicably adorable when he’s quiet and isn’t trying to be – but you won’t catch Jihoon admitting this aloud to him.

“But you’re my stupid, and that’s pretty much synonymous with Soonyoung so…there we have it. You’re my Soonyoung,” he adds, patting down Soonyoung’s collar so he’s not hiding the rest of himself anymore. He rests his hand on the latter’s nape, playing with the back of his hair with light fingers.

Soonyoung leans into his touch, the downturned corners of his lips slowly lifting. “I’m your Soonyoung,” he echoes, glancing over at Jihoon.

Nodding, Jihoon smiles back. “I wouldn’t really leave your dumb ass behind. Okay, maybe I would – but know that the guilty would be unbearable and I'd end up coming back for you.”

“Gee, just when I thought we were having a moment -"

He tugs on Soonyoung’s hair when he starts sulking again. “Hey, you really think I’d leave you like that? I wouldn’t, big dummy.”

“I just…” Soonyoung mutters, sighing. “I should’ve cleaned up.”

Jihoon shrugs. “We can come back another time. Recreate the moment it toppled down and then you can redeem yourself by cleaning it up afterwards.”

Soonyoung quickly adjusting the bags on his arms. He slows down, stopping them both on the pavement. Jihoon’s hand doesn’t leave his neck, but he doesn’t bat it away, just steps closer and smiles knowingly. “Is this your way of cheering me up, Jihoonie?”

Jihoon slips his hand around to cup his face, tilting his head back properly so he can see the other better with his hat on. “Is it working?”

Angling his head slightly into Jihoon’s hand to give his palm a kiss, Soonyoung laughs softly. “Needs a little more work.”

Jihoon gives him a roll of the eyes before patting his cheek. “Don’t push your luck,” he grumbles. The aftermath has left Soonyoung feeling a little guilty, but at least he’s smiling again. At least he’s laughing.

Jihoon likes it best when Soonyoung is happy, because his kind of happy is contagious - he feels it deep in his heart whenever Soonyoung smiles, whenever he’s close to collapsing from a stomach ache from laughing too much. Whenever he’s making other people feel good, whenever he’s with Jihoon.

He’s wounded from the incident now, but Jihoon knows he’ll be okay. He’ll make sure of it; Soonyoung has him to lean on.

“You’re anything but a burden,” he tells him. He sets the bag of drinks down on the ground, and tugs on Soonyoung’s jacket. “Come here.”

They meet halfway, Jihoon pulling at his jacket and Soonyoung reaching out for him, dropping his bags to the floor. Jihoon kisses him softly at first, a small peck to make sure he’s got the other’s attention. Then he dares for more – wrapping his hand around his neck once again and sealing the distance between them. He feels Soonyoung’s smile against his lips this time; it tastes like home.

In the moment, there is only them. Their breaths are lost to the wind, their fingers wind in the web of their clothes. It takes all of his willpower to not give into his hunger – he’s got to save it for when they get home, he reminds himself – so he kisses Soonyoung with slow desire, hoping it’s enough. Hoping he can taste the _you’re okay_ on his tongue, hoping it gets through to him.

“Thank you, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung whispers, the words raspy breaths against Jihoon’s mouth.

The latter rests their foreheads together. “Love you, idiot.”

When Soonyoung smiles, he feels an immense wave of relief wash through him. “Can we go home now –“

Jihoon picks up all of their grocery bags, hanging them on both of his arms. He nods curtly, pursing his lips as he starts making his way down the streets. He catches an echo of Soonyoung’s laugh somewhere behind him, but he doesn’t wait for him to catch up.

He’ll have to pass on Mingyu cooking them all a midnight snack this one time. He’s still hungry, of course, after not having eaten much all day. But that will have to wait too, because he’s undeniably hungry for something else now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! <3   
> if there's anything you'd like to read in particular in regards to this fic, pls drop some prompts! n_n i'll write them for the last few chapters~ <33


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